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Book Ji_£jVl_ 

By bequest of 
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ANSTER FAIR. 



WITH 



OTHER POEMS. 



ANSTKR FAIR. 



POEM IN SIX CANTOS. 



OTHER POEMS. 



Nec pol ego Nemeae credo, neque ego Olyrapiae, 
Neque usquara ludos tarn festivos fieri, 
Quam hie intus fiuut ludi luditicabiles- 

Flauti, Casina. 



sane leve 



Dum nihil habemus majus calaino ludiinus. 

r/wtcdri, Fab. 



BALTIMORE : 

PtRLlSHED BY COALK AND MAXVTKl-L. 

1815. 



Tf^ f^;;^ 



Gift 
W. L. Shoemaker 

■ 7 ' s 'ce 



PRINTED 
BY W£i.)S AND m.LY, 

Boston. 



PREFACE, 



The following Poem is presented to the Publick 
with that^dilfidciu-e and anxiety, which every 
young Author feels when the good or bad Taie of 
his first production must check, his rashness and 
vanity, or enliven his future eCbrts with tiie 
confidence arising from popular approbation. 

The Poem is written in stan7as of octave 
rhime, or the ottava rima of the Italians, a mea- 
sure said to be invented by Boccaccio, and after 
him employed by Tasso and Ariosto. Frora 
these writers it was transferred into English 
Poetry by Fairfax, in his Translation of "Jeru- 
salem Delivered," but since his days, has bet^a 
by our poets, perhaps, too little cultivated. The 
stanza of Fairfax is here shut with the Alexan- 
drine of Spen«er, that its close may be more 
full and souodiog. 



vi 1*KEFACE. 

In a humorous Poem, partly descriptive of 
Scottish manners, it was impossible to avoid 
using Scottish words. These, however, will, it is 
hoped, be found not too many. Some old English 
words are likewise admitted. 

The transactions of Anster Fair may be 
supposed to have taken place during the reign of 
James V. a Monarch, whom tradition reports to 
have had many gamesome rambles in Fife, and 
with whose liveliness and jollity of temper the 
merriment of the Fair did not ill accord. Yet 
a scrupulous congruity witli the modes of his 
times was not intended, and must not be expect- 
ed. Ancient and modern manners are mixed 
and jumbled together, to heighten the humour, 
or variegate the description. 



Edinbupgh, 
23d June, 1814. 



4NSTER FAIR. 



CANTO I. 



ANSTER FAIR, 



GANTO I. 



I. 

W HiLE some of Troy and pettish heroes sing, 
And some of Rome and chiefs of pious fame, 

And some of men that thought it harmless thing 
To smite off heads in Mars's bloody game, 

And some of Eden's garden gay with spring, 
And Hell's dominions terrible to name, — 

I sing a theme far livelier, happier, gladder, 

I sing of Anster Fair, and bonny Maggie Lauder. ♦ 

II. 

What time from east, from west, from south, from north, 
From every hamlet, town, and smoky city, 

Laird, clown, and beau, to Anster Fair came forth. 
The young, tlie gay, the handsome, and the witty, 

To try in various sport and game their worth, 
Whilst prize before them Maggie sat, the pretty, 
2 



ANSTER FAIR. 

And after many a feat, and joke, and banter, 
Fair Maggie's hand was won by mighty Rob th» 
Ranter. 

ni. 

Muse, that from top of thine old Greekish hill, 
Didst the harp-fing'ring Theban younker view, 

And on his lips bid bees their sweets distil, 

And gav'st the chariot that the white swans drew, 

let rae scoop, from thine ethereal rill, 
Some little palmfuls of the blessed dew, 

And lend the swan drawn car, that safely I, 

Like him, may scorn the earth, and burst into the sky. 

IV. 

Onr themes are like ; for he the games extoU'd 
Held in the chariot-shaken Grecian plains. 

Where the vain victor, arrogant and bold, 
A pickle parsley got for all his pains ; 

1 sing of sports more worthy to be told, 

Where better prize the Scottish victor gains ; 
What were the crowns of Greece but wind and bladder, 
Compared with marriage-bed of bonnie Maggie Lap- 

DER ? 

V. 

An(J O that king Apollo would but grant 
A little spark of that transcendant flame, 

That fir'd the Chi sn rhapsodist to chant 
How vied the bowmen for Ulysses' dame, 



CANTO FIRST. ^ 

And him of Rome to sing how Atalaiit 

I'lied, dartia hand, the suiior-slaught'ring game, 
Till the bright gold, bowl'd lorth along the grass, 
Betray'd tier to a spouse, and stopp'd the bounding lass. 

VI. 

But lo ! from bosom of yon southern cloud, 
I see the chariot come wUich Pindar bore j 

I see the swans, whose white necks, arching proud, 
Glitter with golden yoke, approach my siiore ; 

Fc^ me they come — O Piicebus, potent god ! 

Spare, spare me now — Enough, good king — no more"— 

A little spark i ask'd iu moderation, 

Why scorch me ev'n to death with fiery inspiration ? 

VIT.' 

My pulse beats fire — my pericranium glows, 

Like baker's oven, with poetick heat ; 
A thousand bright ideas, spurning prose, ' 

Are in a twinkling hatch'd in Fancy's seat; 
Zounds ! they will fly out at my ears and nose. 

If through my mouth they find not passage fleet j 
I hear them buzzing deep within my noddle, 
Like bees that in their hives confus'dly hum and huddle. 

VIII. 

How now P — what's this ? — my very eyes,. I trow, 
Prop OQ my hands their base prosaick scales ; 



6 ANSTER FAIR. 

My visual orbs are purg'd from film, and lo t 
Instead of Ais'ster's turnip-bearing vales, 

I see old Faiiyland's mirac'lous show, 
Her trees of tinsel kiss'd by freakish gales, 

Her oupbes, that cloak'd in leaf-gold skim the breeze;, 

And fairies swarming thick as mites in rotten cheese. 

IX. 

I see the puny fair-chinn'd goblin rise 
Suddenly glorious from his mustard pot ; 

I see him wave his hand in seemly wise. 
And button round him tight his fulgent coat ; 

While Maggi b Lauder, in a great surprise, 
Sits startled on her chair, yet fearing not ; 

I see him ope his dewy lips ; I hear 

The strange and strict command address'd to Magqi£^ 
ear. 



I see the Ranter with bagpipe on back. 

As to the fair he rides jocundly on ; 
1 see the crowds that press with speed not slack 

Along each road that leads to Anster loan ; 
I see the suitors, that, deep-sheath'd in sack. 

Hobble and tumble, bawl and swear, and groan ; 
I see — but fie, thou braiursh Muse ! what mean 
These vapourings, and brags of what by thee is seen?" 



eANTO FIRST. JZ 



XL 

©o to — be cooler, and in order tell 
To all my good co-townsraen listening round, 

How every merry incident befel, 

Whereby our loan shall ever be renown'dj 

Say first, what elf or fairy could impel 

Fair Mag, with wit, and wealth, and beauty crown'd, 

To put her suitors to such waggish test. 

And give her happy bed to him that jumped best? 

XII. 

'Twas on a keen December night, John Frost 
Drove through mid air his chariot, icy-wheel'd, 

And from the sky's crisp ceiling star-embost, 
WhifF'd off the clouds that the pure blue conceal'dj 

The hornless moon amid her brilliant host 
Shone, and with silver sheeted lake and field j 

'Twas cutting cold ; I'm sure, each trav'Uer's nose 

Was pinch'd right red that night, and numb'd were all 
his toes. 

XIII. 

Not so were Maggib Lauber's toes, as she 
In her warm chamber at her supper sate, 
(For 'twas that hour when burgesses agree 

To eat their suppers ere the night grows late.) 
2 * 



\ ANSTER FAIK; 

Alone she sat, and pensive as may be 

A young fair lady, wishful of a mate ; 
Yet with her teeth held now and then a picking. 
Her stomach to reftesh, the breast-hone of a cluckep,. 

XIV. 

She thought upon her suitors, that with love 
Besiege her chamber all the livelong day, 

Aspiring each her virgin heart to move, 
With courtship's every troublesome essay ; 

Calling her, angel, sweeting, fondling, dove, 
And other nicknames in love's friv'lous way ; 

While she, though their addresses still she heard, 

Held back from all her heart, and still uo beau pre- 
fer r'd. 

XV. 

What, what ! quo' Mag, must thus it be my doom 
To spend my prime in maidhood's joyless state. 

And waste away my sprightly body's bloom 
In spouseless solitude without a mate. 

Still toying with my suitors, as they come 
Cringing in lowly courtslup to my gate ? 

Fool that I am, to live unw^d so long ! 

More fool, since- 1 am woo 'd by such a clam'rous throng t 

xvr. 

For was e'er heiress with much gold in chest, 
And dowr'd with acres of wheat-bearing landj 



CANTO FIRST. 1 

By such a pack of men, in amorous quest, 
Fawningly spaniel'd to bestow her hand ? 

Where'er I walk, the air that feeds my breast 
Is by the gusty sighs of lovers faun'd ; 

Each wind that blows wafts love-cards to my lap ; 

Whilst I — ah stupid Mag !— avoid each ani'rous trap J 

xvn. 

Then come, let me my suitors' merits weigh, 
And in the worthiest lad my spouse select : — 

Pirst^»there's our Anstkr merchant, Norman Ray, 
A powder'd wight with golden buttons deck'd, 

That stinks with scent, and chats like popinjay, 
And struts with pliiz tremendously erect: 

Four brigs has he, that on the broad sea swim; — 

He is a pompous fool — I cannot think of him. 

XVIIL 

Next is the malster Andrew Strang, that takes 
His seat i'the bailie's loft on Sabbath-day, 

With paltry visage white as oaten cakes, 
As if no blood run gurgling in his clay ; 

Heav'ns ! what an awkward hunch the fellow makes, 
As to the priest he does the bow repay ! 

Yet he is rich — a very wealthy man, true — 

But, by the holy rood, I will have none of Andrew. 



m ANSTER FAIR. 



XIX. 

Then for the Lairds—there's Melvil of Carnbec, 
A handsome gallant, and a beau of spirit: 

Who can go down tlie dance so well as he !' 
And who can fiddle with such manly merit P 

— Ay, but he is too much the debauchee — 

His cheeks seem sponges oozing port and claret ; 

In marrying him I should bestow myself ill, 

And so, I'll not have you, thou fuddler, Harry Melvil ! 

XX. 

There's Cunningham of Bams, that still assails 
With verse and billet-doux my gentle heart, 

A bookish squire, and good at telling tales, 

That rhimes and whines of Cupid, flame, and dartj 

But, oh ! his mouth a sorry smell exhales. 
And on his nose sprouts horribly the wart j 

What tliough there be a fund of lore and fun in him ? 

He has a rotten breath — I cannot think of Cunningham. 

XXI. 

Why then, there's Allardyce, that plies his suit 
And battery of courtship more and more ; 

Spruce Lochmalonie, that with booted foot 
Each morning wears the thresliold of my door ; 

Anchmoutie too, and Bruce that persecute 
My tender heart with am'rous buftets sore : — 



CANTO I. 11 

— Whom to my kand and bed should I promote ? — 
— Eh-la ! what sight is this ? what ails my mustard pot ? 

XXII. 

Here broke the lady her soliloquy ; 

For in a twink her pot of mustard, lo ! 
Self-moved, like Jove's wheel'd stool that rolls on high;, 

'GaH caper on her table to and fro, 
And hopp'd and fidgeted before her eye, 

Spontaneous, here and there, a wondrous show : 
As leaps, instinct with mercury, a bladder, 
So leaps the mustard pot of bonnie Maggie Lauder. 

XXIII. 

Soon stopp'd its dince th' ignoble utensil. 

When from its round and small recess there came 

Thin curling wreaths of paly smoke, that still, 
Fed by some magick unapparent flame. 

Mount to the chamber's stucco'd roof, and fill 
Each nook with fragrance, and refresh the dame : 

Ne'er smelt a Phcenix-nest so sweet, I wot, 

A.S smelt the luscious fumes of Maggie's mustard pot, 

XXIV. 

It reeked censer-like ; then, strange to tell j 
Forth from the smoke, that thick and thicker grow»» 

A fairy of the height of half an ell, 
In dwarfish pomp, majestically roset 



12 ANSTER FAIR. 

His feet, upon the table 'stablish'd well, 

Stood trim and splendid in their snake-skin hose ; 
Gle:iniM topaz- like, the breeches he had on, 
Whose waistband like the bend of summer rainbow 
shone. 

XXV. 

His coat seem'd fashion'd of the threads of gold, 
Ttiat intertwine the clouds at sun set hour, 

And, certes. Iris with her shuttle bold 

Wove the rich garment in her lofty bower ; 

To form its buttons were the Pleiads old 

Pluck'd from their sockets, sure by genie-power, 

And sew'd upon the coat's resplendent hem ; 

Its neck was lovely green, each cuff a sapphire gem. 

XXVI. 

As when the churlish spirit of the Cape 
To Gama, voyaging to Mozambique, 
Up-popp'd from sea, a tangie-tassel'd * shape, - 

Witii mussels sticking incii-thick on his cheek. 
And 'gan with tortoise shell his limbs to scrape. 

And yawu'd his monstrous blobberlips te speak j 
Brave Gama's hairs stood bristled at the sight. 
And on the tarry deck sunk down his men with fright. 

* Tangle-tasseVd, hung round with tangle (sea-weed) as with tai- 
sels. I observe tangle in Bailey's Diet, though not in Johnson's. 



CANTO FIRST. U 



XXVII. 

So sudden (not so huge and grimly dire) 
Uprose to Maggie's stouuded eyne the sprite, 

As fair a fairy as you could desire, 

With ruddy cheek, and chin and temples white j 

His eyes seem'd little points of sparkling fire, 
That, as he look'd, eharm'd with inviting light j 

He was, indeed as bonny a fay and brisk, 

As e'er on long moon-beam was seen to ride and frisk, 

XXVIII. 

Around his bosom, by a silken zone, 

A little bagpipe gracefully was bound. 
Whose pipes like hollow stalks of silver shone, 

The glist'ring tiny avenues of sound 5 
Beneath his arm the windy bag, fullblown, 

Heav'd up its purple like an orange round, 
And only waited orders to discharge 
Us blasts with charming groan into the sky at large. 

XXIX. 

He wav'd his hand to Maggie, as she sat 
Amaz'd and startled on her carved chair ; 

Then took bis petty feather-garnish'd hat 
In honour to the Lady, from his hair, 

And made a bow so dignifiediy flat, 
That Mag was witched with his beauish air : 



14 ANSTER FAIR. 

At last he spoke, with voice so soft, so kind, 

So sweet, as if his throat with fiddle-etrings was lin'd.-r 

XXX. 

Lady I be not offended that I dare, 

Thus forward and impertinently rude, 
Emerge, uncall'd, into the upper air, 

Intruding on a maiden's solitude ; 
Nay, do not be alarm'd, thou Lady fair i 

Why startle so ? — I am a fairy good ; 
Not one of those that, envying beauteous maids, 
Speckle their skins with moles, and fill with spleen 
their heads. 

XXXL 

For, as conceal'd in this clay-house of mine, 

I overheard thee in a lowly voice. 
Weighing thy lovers' merits, with design 

Now on the worthiest lad to fij? thy choice, 
I have up-bolted from my paltry shrine. 

To give thee, sweet- ey'd lass, my best advice j 
For by the life of Oberon my king ! 
To pick good husband out is, sure, a ticklish thing. 

XXXIL 

And never shall good Tommy Puck permit 
Such an assemblage of unwonted charms 



CANTO FIRST. 15 

To cool some lecher's lewd licentious fit, 

And sleep imbounded by his boisterous arras : 

What though his fields by twenty ploughs be split. 
And golden wheat wave riches on his farms P 

His house is shame — it cannot, shall not be ; 

A greater, happier doom, O Mag, awaiteth thee, 

XXXIII. 

strange are indeed the steps, by which thou must 

Thy glory's happy eminence attain ; 
But fat^hath fix'd them, and 'tis fate's t'adjust 

The mighty links that ends to means enchain ; 
Nor may poor Puck his little fingers thrust 

Into the links to break Jove's steel in twain : 
Then, Maggi e, hear, and let my words descend 
Into thy soul, for much it boots thee to attend. 

XXXIV. 

To-morrow, when o'er th' Isle of May the sun 
Lifts up his forehead bright with golden crown, 

Call to thine house the light-heel'd men, that run 
Afar on messages for Anster Town, 

Fellows of spirit, by none in speed out-done, 
Of lofty voice, enough a drum to drown. 

And bid t!iem hie, post-haste, through all the nation, 

And publish, far and near, this famous proclamation : 
3 



16 ANSTER FAIR. 



XXXV. 



Let them proclaim, with voice's loudest tone, 
That on your next approaching market-day, 

Shall merry sports be held in Anster loan, 
With celebration notable and gay ; 

And that a prize, than gold or costly stone 
More precious, shall the victor's toils repay, 

Ev'n thy own form with beauties so replete, 

—Nay, Maggie, start not thus !~thy marriage-bed, my 
sweet. 

XXXVI. 

First, on the loan shall ride full many an ass, 
With stout whip-wielding rider on his back. 

Intent with twinkling hoof to pelt the grass, 
And pricking up his long ears at the crack ; 

Next o'er the ground the daring men shall pass, 
Half-coflBn'd in their cumbrances of sack, 

With heads just peeping from their shrines of bag. 

Horribly hobbling round, and straining hard for Mag, 

xxxvir. 

Then shall the pipers groaningly begin 
In squeaking rivalry their merry strain. 

Till Billyness shall echo back the din. 
And Innergelly woods shall ring again ; 

Last, let each man that hopes thy hand to win 
By witty product of prolifick brain. 



CANTO FIRST. . IT 

Approach, and, confident of Pallas' aid, 

Claim by an hum'rous tale possession of thy bed 

XXXVIII. 

Such are the wondrous tests, by which, ray love ! 

The merits of thy husband must be try'd. 
And be that shall in these superiour p'^ove, 

(One proper husband shall the Fates provide) 
Shall from the loan with thee triumphant move 

Homeward, the jolly bridegroom and the bride, 
Anifat thy house shall eat the aaarriage-feast. 
When I'll pop up again :— Here Tommy Puck surceast. 

XXXIX. 

He ceas'd, and to his wee mouth, dewy-wet, 

His bagpipe's tube of silver up he held, 
And, underneath his down-press'd arm he set 

His purple bag, that with a tempest swell'd j 
He play'd and pip'd so sweet, that never yet 

Mag had a piper heard that Puck exceil'd ; 
Had Midas heard a tune so ejquisite. 
By heav'n ! his long base ears had quiver'd with delight. 

XL. 

Tingle the fire-ir'ns, poker, tongs, and grate, 

Responsive to the blithesome melody j 
The tables and the chairs inanimate 

Wish they had muscles now to trip it high ; 



18 ANSTER FAIR. 

Wave back and forwards at a wondrous rate, 

The window-curtains, touch'd with sympathy ; 
Fork, knife, and trencher, almost break tlieir sloth, 
And caper on their ends upon the table-cloth. 

XLI. 

How then could Maggie, sprightly, smart, and young, 
Withstand that bagpipe's blithe awak'ning airp 

She, as her ear-drum caught the sounds, up-sprung 
Like lightning, and despis'd her idle chair, 

And into all the dance's graces flung 
The bounding members of her body fair ; 

From nook to nook through all her room she tript, 

And whirl'd like whirligig, and reel'd and bobb'd, and 
£kipt. 

XLII. 

At last the little piper ceas'd to play, 

And deftly bow'd, and said, " My dear, goodnight j^"' 
Then in a smoke evanish'd clean away, 

With ail his gaudy apparatus bright ; 
As breaks soap-bubble, which a boy in play 

Blows from his short tobacco-pipe aright, 
So broke poor Puck from view, and on the spot 
Y-smoking aloes-reek he left his mustard pot. 

XLIII. 

Whereat the furious Lady's wriggling feet 
Forgot to patter in sucii peltmg wise. 



CANTO FIRST. 19 

And down she gladly sunk upon her seat, 
Fatigu'd and pasting from her exercise j 

She sat and raus'd a while, as it was meet, 
On what so late had occupy 'd her eyes 5 

Then to her bed-room went, and dofF'd her gown, 

And laid upon her couch her charming person down. 

XLIV. 

Some say that Maggie slept so sound that night. 
As never she had slept since she was born j 

But Slice am I, that, thoughtful of the sprite, 
She twenty times upon her bed did turn ; 

For still appear'd to stand before her sight 
The gaudy goblin, glorious from his urn. 

And still, within the cavern of her ear, 

Th' injunction echoing rung, so strict and strange to 
hear. 

XLV. 

But when the silver harness'd steeds, that draw 
The car of morning up th' empyreal height, 

Had snorted day upon North-Berwick Law, 

And from their glist'ring loose manes toss'd the light, 

Immediately from bed she rose, (such awe 
Of Tommy press'd her soul with anxious weight,) 

And donn'd her tissued fragrant morning vest, 

And to fulfil his charge her earliest care addrest. 
3 * 



29 ANSTER FAIR. 



XLVI. 

Straight to her house she tarried not to call 
Her messengers and heralds swift of foot, 

Men skill'd to hop o'er dikes and ditches j alt 
Gifted with sturdy brazen lungs to boot ; 

She bade them halt at every town, and bawl 
Her proclamation out with mighty bruit. 

Inviting loud, to Anstkr loan and Fair, 

The Scottish beau to jump for her sweet person there- 

XLVII. 

They took each man his staff into his hand j 

They button'd round their bellies close their coats'-; 

They flew divided through the frozen land ; 
Were never seen such swiftly-trav'Uing Scots ! 

Nor ford, slough, mountain, could their speed withstand ; 
Such fleetness have the men that feed on oats ! 

They skirr'd, they flounder'd through the sleets and 
snows, 

And puff'd against the winds, that bit in spite each nose. 

XLVIII. 

They halted at each wall-fenc'd town renown'd. 

And evVy lesser borough of the nation ; 
And with the trumpet's welkin-rifting sound, 

And tuck of drum of loud reverberation, 



CANTO FIRST. 21 

Tow'rds the four wings of heaven, Ihey, round and round, 

Proclaioi'd in Stentor-like vociferation, 
That, on th' approaching day of Anstkr market., 
Should merry sports be held: — Hush! listen ' ' . 

hark it ! — 

XLIX. 

" Ho ! beaux and pipers, wits and jumpers, ho ! 
Ye buxom blades that like to kiss the lasses j 

Ye that are skill'd sew'd up in sacks to go ; 
Ye that excel in horsemanship of asses ; 

Ye that are smart at telling tales, and know- 
On Rtiime's two stilts to crutch it up Parnassus ; 

Ho ! lads, your sacks, pipes, asses, tales, prepare 

To jump, play, ride, and rhime, at A.nster loan i!**i 
Fair ! 

L. 

" First, on the green turf shall each ass draw nigh, 

Caparison'd or clouted for the race, 
With mounted rider, sedulous to ply 

Cudgel or whip, and win the foremost place ; 
Next, shall th' adventrous men, that dare to try 

Their bodies' springiness in heinpen case. 
Put on their bags, and, with ridic'lous bound, 
And sweat and huge turmoil, pass lab'ring o'er the 
ground. 

u. 

" Then shall' the pipers, gentlemen o'the drone, 
Their pipes in gleeso.ne competition screw, 



22 ANSTER FAIR. 

And grace, with loud solemnity of groan, 
Each his invented tune to ih' audience new j 

Last shall each witty bard, to whom is known 
The craft of Helicon's rhime-jingling crew, 

His story tell in good poetick strains, 

And make his learned tongue the midwife to his bralaf>r 

LII. 

" And he whose tongue the wittiest tale shall tell. 
Whose bagpipe shall the sweetest tune resound, 

Whose heels, tho' clogg'd with sack, shall jump it well,- 
Whose ass shall foot with fleetest hoof the ground, 

He who from all the rest shall bear the bell, 
With victory in every trial crown'd, 

He (mark it, lads !) to Maggie Laudeh's housie 

That self same night shall go, and take her for hi» 
spouse.*' — 

LIII. 

Here ceas'd the criers of the s\ urdy lungs ; 
' But here the gossip Fame, (whose body's pores 
Are nought but open ears and babbling tongues. 
That gape and wriggle on her hide in scores,) 
Began to jabber o*er each city's throngs, 

Blaz'ning the news through all the Scottish shores ;; 
Nor had she blabb'd, methinks, so stoutly, since 
• Queen Dido's peace was broke by Troy's love-truant 
Prince 



CANTO FIRST. 23 



LIV. 

In every Lowland vale and Highland glen, 
She nois'd th' approaching fun of Anster Fairj 

Ev'n when in sleep were laid the sons of men, 
Snoring away on good chaff beds their care. 

You might have heard her faintly murm'ring then, 
For lack of audience, to the midnight air, 

That from Fife's East Nook up to farthest Stornoway, 

Fair Maggie's loud report most rapidly was borne away.- 
«t 

LV. 

And soon the mortals, that design to strive 

By meritorious jumping for the prize, 
Train up their bodies, ere the day arrive. 

To th' lumpish sack-encumber'd exercise ; 
You might have seen no less than four or five 

Hobbling in each town-loan in awkward guise j 
E'eo little boys, when from the school let out, 
Mimick'd the bigger beaux, and leap'd in pokes about. 

LVI. 

Through cots and granges with industrious foot. 
By laird and knight were lignt-heei'd asses sought, 

So that no ass of any great repute. 
For twenty Scots marks could have then been bought j 

Nor e'er, before or since, the long ear'd brute 
Was such a goodly acquisition thought. 



24 ANSTER FAIR. 

The pipers vex'd their ears and pipes, t'invcnt 

Some tune that might the taste of Anster Mag contents 

LVII. 

Each poet, too, whose lore-manured brain 
Is hot of soil, and sprouts up mushroom wit, 

Pondei 'd his noddle into extreme pain 
T' excogitate some story nice and fit : 

When rack'd had been his scull some hours in vain, 
He, to relax his mind a little bit, 

Plung'd deep into a sack his precious body, 

And schcoPd it for the race, and hopp'd around his study. 

LVIII. 

Such was the sore preparatory care 
Of all th' ambitious that for April sigh : 

Nor sigh the young alone for Anster Fair j 
Old men and wives, erewhile content to die, 

Who hardly can forsake their easy-chair, 
To take, abroad, farewell of sun and sky, 

With new desire of life now glowing pray, 

That they may just o'erlive our famous market-day. ' 



ANSTER FAIR. 

CANTO II. 



ANSTER FAIR. 



CANTO II. 



XiAST night I dream'd, that to my dark bedside 
Came, white with rays, the poet of the " Quhair," 

x\nd drew my curtain silently aside, 
And stood and smil'd, majestically fair j 

He to my finger then a ring apply'd, 
(It glittter'd like Aurora's yellow hair,) 

And gave his royal head a pleasant wag, 

And said, Go on, my boy, and celebrate thy Mag 1 

II. 

The sun, upcharioting from Capricorn, 

Had 'tween the Ram's horns thrust his gilded nose; 
And now his bright fists drops, each April morn, 

O'er hill and dale, the daisy and the rose ; 
4 



28 ANSTER FAIR. 

Wanlons the lewd Earth with the god unshorn, 

And from her womb the infant verdure throws, 
Whilst he, good paramour ! leaves Tithys' valley, 
Each morn by five o'clock, with her to sport and dally. 

III. 

Old Kelly-law, the kindly nurse of sheep, 
Puts on her daisy-tissued gown of green j 

On all her slopes so verdurous and steep. 
The bleating children of the flock are seen ; 

While with a heart where mirth and pleasure keep 
Their dwelling, and with honest brow serene, 

The shepherd eyes his flock in mood of glee, 

And wakes with oaten pipe the echoes of Cambee. 

IV. 

And see how Airdrie woods upshoot on high 

Their ieafy living glories to the day, 
As if they long'd t' embrace the vaulty sky 

With their long branchy arras so green and gay ^ 
Balcarras-craig, so rougli, and hard, and dry, 

Enliven'd into beauty by the ray, 
Heaves np, bedeck M with flowVs, his ruflGan-side, 
Like giant hung with gawds, and boasts his tricksy 
pride. 

V. 

Ev'n on the King's-muir jigs the jolly Spring, 
Scattering from whin to whin the new peifume j 



CANTO SECOND. 29 

tVhile, near the sea-coast, Flora tarrying, 
Touches the garden's parterres into bloom; 

With joy the villages and cities ring ; 
Cowherd and cow rejoice, and horse and groom ; 

The ploughman laughs amid his joyous care, 

And Anster burghers laugh in prospect of their Fair. 

vr. 

For lo ! now peeping just above the vast 

Vault of the German Sea, in east afar, 
Appeals full many a brig's and schooner's mast, 

Their topsails strutting with tlie vernal harr ;* 
Near and more near they come, and show at last 

Their ocean-thumping hulks all black with tar j 
Their stems are pointed toward Awster pier, 
While, flying o'er their sterns, the well-known flags 
appear. 

vn. 

From clear-sky 'd Prance and muddy Zuyder-zee, 
They come, replenish'd with the stores of trade j 

Some from the Hollander of lumpish knee 
Convey his lintseed, stow'd in bag or cade ; 

Heav'n bless him ! may his breeches countless be ; 
And warm and thick, and ever undecay'd i 

For he it was that first suppivM the Scots 

With linen for their sarks, and stout frieze for their coats. 

* The harr is the name given by the fishermen to that gentle 
breeze, which generally blows from the east iu a fine spring or 
summer afternoon. 



5* 



30 ANSTER FAIR. 



VIII. 



Some bring, in many an anker hooped strong, 
rVom Fluslung's port, the paUte-bitihg gin, 

Th' inspirer oi the tavern's noisy song, 
The top-delight, the nectar of each inn, 

That sends a- bounding through the veins along, 
The loit'ring blood when irosty days begin, 

The bev'rage wherein fiddlers like to nuzzle, 

The ganger's joy to seize^ and old wife's joy to guzzle ! 

IX. 

Some from Garonne and bonny banks of Seine, 
Transport in pipes the blood of Bacchus' berry, 

Wherewith our laiids may fume the fuddied brain, 
And grow, by bousing, boisterously merry j 

And whereby, too, their cheeks a glow may gain, 
Abashing ev'n the red of July's cherry ; 

O, it is right ; our lairds do well, I ween ; 

A bottle of black wine is worth all Hippocrene ! 

X. 

Soon, hurry'd forward by the skittish gales, 
In Anster harbour every vessel moors; 

Furl'd by the seamen are the flapping sails j 
Fix'd are the halsers to the fold- clad shores ; 

Their holds discharge the wealth of Gallia's vales, 
And Amsterdam's and Flushing's useful stores, 



CANTO SECOND. tt 

All to augment, with commerce' various ware, 
The bustle and the trade of famous Ansteb Fair» 

XI. 

Nor distant now the day ; the cream-fac'd sun,* 
That, rising, shall engild to-morrow's air, 

Shall shine with courteous beams upon the fun 
And frolick of the celebrated Fair j 

And now, already, have the folk begun, 
(So eager are they the delight to share,) 

In flocks to Maggie's borough to resort, 

That they may all, betimes, be present at the sport. 

XII. 

Each hedge-Iin'd high- way of the king, that leads 

Or straightly or obliquely to the loan. 
Seems, as the muse looks downwards, pav'd with heads. 

And hats and cowls of those that bustle on ; 
From Johnny Groat's house to the border-meads, 

From isle of Arran to the mouth of Don, 
In thousands puflBngly to Fife they run. 
Gold in their pockets lodg'd, and in their noddles fu». 

XIII. 

Say, Muse, who first, who last, on foot or steed 
Came candidates for Maggie to her town ? 

* Anster Lintseed Market (as it is called) is on the 11th of Apvilj. 

or aa one of the six days immediately succeediug. 
4 * 



32 ANSTER FAIR. 

St Andrew's sprightly students first proceed, 
Clad in their foppery of sleeveless gown ; 

Forth whistling from Salvador's gate they speed 
Full many a mettlesome and fiery lown, 

Forgetting Horace for a while and Tully, 

And mad t'embag their limbs, and leap it beautifully. 

XIV. 

For ev'n in Learning's cobweb'd halls had rung 
The loud report of Maggie Lauder's fame, 

And Pedantry's Greek-conning sapient tongue 
In songs had wagg'd, in honour of her name ; 

Up from their mouldy books and tasks had sprung 
Bigent and Magistrand to try the game ; 

Prelections ceas'd; old Alma Mater slept, 

And o'er his silent rooms the ghost of Wardlaw wept. 

XV. 

So down in troops the red-clad students come 
As kittens blithe, a joke-exchanging crew. 

And in their heads bear learned Greece and Rome, 
And haply Cyprus in their bodies too ; 

Some on their journey pipe and play ; and some 
Talk long of Mag, how fair she was to view, 

And as they talk (ay me ! so much the sadder,) 

Backwards they scale the steps of honest Plato's ladder.* 

* Tlie Student wishing to understand this Ladder, may consult 
Piato. Conviv. torn. iii. page 211. pf Sai-ani's Edit. 



CANTO SECOND. 3S 



XVI. 

Others, their heels of weariness to cheat, 

Repeated tales of classick merriment, 
How the fool Faunus, on his noiseless feet, 

At midnight to the cave of Tmolus went, 
Scorch'd as he was with Venus' fiercest heat, 

On cuckold- making mischievous intent, 
Till from the horny fist of hairy Hercules, 
He got upon the cheek a most confounded jerk, alas ! 

XVII. 

Nor come they only down ; in chaise or gig 
Th' endoctrinM sage professors lolling ride, 

Their heads with curi'd vastidity of wig 
Thatch'd round and round, and queerly beautifu'dj 

In silken hose is sheath'd each learned leg } 
White are their cravats, long and trimly ty'd : 

Some say they came to jump for Maggie too. 

But college-records say they came the sport to view. 

XVIII. 

See, as their coachwheels scour the Eastbum-lane, 

Rattling as if the pavement up to tear ! 
How men and women, huddling in their train. 

And hallooing shouts of loud applause appear ! 
Red-cheek'd, and white-cheek'd, slout and feeble men, 

With staff or staff-less, draw to Anstkr nearj 



34 AIVSTER FAIR. 

And such a mob come trampling o'er King*s-muir, 
They raise a cloud of dust that does the sua obscure. 

XIX. 

Next from Deniiios, every house and hut, 
Her simple guileless people hie away ; 

That day the doors of parish-school were shut,. 
And every scholar got his leave to play : 

Down rush they light of heart and light of foot. 
Big plowmen, in their coats of hodden gray. 

Weavers despising now both web and treadle, 

Collier and collier's wife, and minister and beadle. 

XX. 

Jf ext, from the well-air'd ancient town of Crail, 
Go out her craftsmen with tumultuous din, 

Her wind-bleach'd fishers^ sturdy-limb'd and hale, 
Her in-kneed tailors, garrulous and thin ; 

And some are flush'd with horns of pithy ale. 
And some are fierce with drams of smuggled gin. 

While, to augment his drowth, each to his jaws 

A good Crail capon * holds, at which he rugs and 
gnaws. 

XXI. 

And from Kingsbams and hamlet f clep'd of boars, 
And farms around (their names too long to add) 

* Civil Capon is a dried haddock. f BoarhiHs. 



CANTO SECOND. 35 

Sally the villagers and hinds in scores, 

Tenant and laird, and hedger, hodden-clad : 

Bolted are all the East-nook houses' doors ; 

Ev'n toothless wives pass westward, strangely glad, 

Propping their trem'lous limbs on oaken stay, 

And in their red plaids drest as if 'twere Sabbath day. 

XXII. 

And bare-foot lasses, on whose ruddy fkce 
UnfurlM is health's rejoicing banner seen, 

Trick'dJn their Sunday mutches edg'd with lace, 
Tippets of white, and frocks of red and green, 

Come tripping o'er the roads with jocund pace, 
Gay as May-morning, tidy, gim, and clean, 

Whilst, joggling at each wench's side, her joe 

Crack a many a rustick joke, his pow'r of wit to show. 

XXIII. 

Then jostling forward on the western road, 
Approach the folk of wind-swept Pittenweem, 

So num'rous that the highways, long and broad. 
One waving field of gowns and coat- tails seem ; 

The fat man puflSng goes, oppress'd with load 
Of cumb'rous flesh and corpulence extreme j 

The lean man bounds along, and with his toes 

Smites on the fat man's heels, that slow before him goes. 



36 ANSTER FAIR. 



XXIV. 

St. Monance, Eiie, and adjacent farms, 
Turn their mechanicks, fishers, farmers out ; 

Sun-burnt and slioelcss schoolboys rush in swarms. 
With childish trick, and revelry and shout j 

Mothers bear little children in their arms, 
Attended by their giggling daughters stout j 

Clowns, cobblers, cotters, tanners, weavers, beaux, 

Hurry and hop along in clusters and in rows. 

XXV. 

And every husbandman, round Largo- latv 
Hath scrap'd his hugh-wheel'd dung-cart fair and. 
clean, 

Wherein, on sacks stufiF'd full of oaten straw, 
Sits the Goodwife, Tam, Katey, Jock, and Jean f 

In fiow'rs and ribands drest the horses draw 
Stoutly their creaking cumbersome machine, 

As, on his cart-head, sits the Goodman proud, 

And cheerily cracks his whip, and whistles clear and loud* 

XXVI. 

Then from her coal-pits Dysart vomits forth 

Her subterranean men of colour dun, 
Poor human mouidwarps ! doom'd to scrape in earth,. 

Cimmerian people, strangers to the sun j 
Gloomy as soot, with faces grim and swarth, 

They march, most sourly leering everyone, 



CANTO SECOND. 37 

Yet very keen, at Anster loan, to share 

The merrhnents and sports to be accomplish'd there, 

XXVII. 

Kor did Path-head detain her wrangling race 
Of weavers, toiling at their looms for bread ; 

For now their slippery shuttles rest a space 
From flying through their labyrinths of thread; 

Theii treadle-shaking feet now scour apace 
Through Gallowtown With levity of tread ; 

So on they pass, with sack in hand, full bent 

To try their sinews' strength in dire experiment. 

XXVIII. 

And long Kirkaldy, from each dirty street 
Her num'rous population eastward throws ; 

Her roguish boys with bare unstocking'd feet, 
Her rich ship-owners, gen'rous and jocose, 

Her prosp'rous merchants, sober and discreet, 
Her coxcombs pantaloon'd, and ppwder'd beaux ; 

Her pretty lasses tripping on their great toes, 

With foreheads white as milk, or any boii'd potatoes. 

XXIX. 

And from Kinghorn jump hastily along 

Her ferrymen and poor inhabitants : — 
And th' upland * hamlet, where, as told in song, ^ 

Tarn Lutar play'd of yore his lively rants, 

* Leslie. 



38 ANSTER FAIR. 

Is left dispeopled of her hrose-fed throng, 

For eastward scud they now as thick a? ants : 
Dunfermline, too, so fam'd for checks and ticks, 
Sends out her loom-bred men, with bags and walking- 
sticks. 

XXX 

And market-raaids, and apron'd wives, that bring 

Their gingerbread in baskets to the Fair ; 
And cadgers with their creels, that hang by string 
From their lean horse-ribs, rubbing off the hair j 
And crook-legg'd cripples, that on crutches swing 

Their shabby persons with a noble air ; 
And fiddlers with their fiddles in their cases, 
And packmen with their packs of ribands, gauze and 
laces. 

XXXI. 

And from Kinross, whose dusty streets unpav'd 

Are whirl'd through heav'n on summer's windy day, 
Whose plats of cabbage-bearing ground are lav'd 
By Leven's waves, that clear as crystal play. 
Jog her brisk burghers, spruce and cleanly shav'd, 

Her sullen cutlers and her weavers gay. 
Her ploughboys in their botch'd and clumsy jackets, 
Her clowns with cobbled shoon stuck full of iron tacketf. 

XXXII. 

JVext ride on sleek-man'd horses bay or brown, 
Smacking their whips and spurring bloodily, 



CANTO SECOND. 29 

The writers of industrious Cupar town, 
Good social mortals skiil'd the pen to ply ; 

Lo ! how their garments as they gallop down, 
Waving behind them in the breezes fly ; 

As upward spurn'd to heav'n's blue bending roof 

Dash'd is the dusty road from every bounding hoof. 

XXXJII. 

And clerks with ruffled shirts and frizzled hairs, 
Their tassel'd half-boots clear as looking-glass. 

And Sheriffs learn'd and unlearn'd Sheriff-mairs, 
And !Be?sengers-at-arms, with brows of brass, 

Come strutting down, or single or in pairs. 
Some on high horse and some on lowly ass ; 

With blacksmiths, barbers, butchers, and their brats, 

And some had new hats on, and some came wanting hat?, 

XXXIV, 

Astraddle on their proud steeds full of fire, 
From all the tree-girt country-seats around, 

Comes many a kuffy, many a kindly squire. 
In showy garb, worth many a silver pound ; 

While close behind, in livery's base attire. 
Follows poor lackey with small-bellied hound., 

Carrying, upon his shoulders slung, the bag 

Wherein his master means to risk Ins neck for Mag 



40 ANSTER FAIR. 



XXXV. 

From all her lanes and alleys, fair Dundee 

Has sent her happy citizens away ; 
They come with raickle jolliment and glee, 

Crossing in clumsy boat their shallow Tay ; 
Their heads are bonneted most fair to see, 

And of the tartan is their back's array : 
From Perth, Dunkeld, from Brechin, Forfar, Glams, 
Roll down the sweaty crowds, with wearied legs and 
hams. 

XXXVI. 

And from the Mearn-shire, and from Aberdeen, 
Where knit by many a wench is many a stocking. 

From Banff and Murray, where of old were seen 
The witches by the chief so fain to grow king. 

Descend in neckless coats brush'd smooth and clean. 
And eke with long pipes in their mouths a-smoking; 

The northern people, boisterous and rough. 

Bearing both chin and nose bedaub'd with spilth of snuff, 

XXXVII. 

Comes next from Ross-shire and from Sutherland 
The horny-knuckled kilteilHig^iilandman : 

From where upon the rocky Caithness strand 
Breaks the long wave that at the Pole began, 

And where Lochfyne fiom her prolifick sand 
Her herrings gives to feed each bord'ring clan. 



CANTO SECOND. 41 

Arrive the brogue-shod men of gen'rous eye, 
Plaided, and breechless all, with Esau'i hairy thigh. 

XXXVIII. 

They come not now to fire the Lowland stacks, 

Or foray on the banks of Fortha's firth ; 
Claymore, and broad-sword, and Lochaber-axe, 

Are left to rust above the smoky hearth ; 
Their only arms are bagpipes now and sacks ; 

Their teeth are set most desp'rately for mirth ; 
And at^heir broad and sturdy backs are^hung 
Great wallets, cramm'd with cheese and bannocks, and 
cold tongue. 

XXXIX. 

Nor staid away the Islanders, that lie 
To buffet of th' Atlantick surge expos'd ; 

From Jura, Arran, Barra, Uist, and Skye, 

Piping they come, unshav'd, unbreech'd, unhos'd ; 

And from that Isle, whose abbey, structur'd high, 
Within its precincts holds dead kings enclos'd, 

Where St. Columba oft is seen to waddle 

Gown'd round with flaming fire upon the spire astraddle. 

XL. 

Next from the far-fam'd ancient town of Ayr, 
(Sweet Ayr ! with crops of ruddy damsels blest, 



42 ANSTER FAIR. 

That, shooting up, and waxing fat and fair, 
Shine on thy hraes-the lilies of the west ;) 

And from Dumfries, and from Kilmarnock (where 
Are night-caps made, the cheapest and the best,) 

Blithely they ride on ass and mule, with sacks 

la lieu of saddles plac'd upon their asses' backs. 

XLI. 

Close at their heels, bestriding well-trapp'd nag, 
Or humbly riding asses, backbone bare. 

Come Glasgow's merchants, each with money-bag, 
To purchase Dutch lintseed at Anster Faihj 

Sagacious fellows all, who well may brag 
Of virtuous industry and talents rarej 

Th' accomplish'd men o'the counting-room confest^ 

And tit to crack a joke, or argue with the best. 

XLIi. 

Nor keep their homes the Borderers, that stay 
Where purls ther^ed, and Esk, and little Liddel^ 

Men, that can rarely on the bagpipe play, 
And wake th' uusober spirit of the fiddle j 

Avow'd free hooters, that have many a day 

Stoli'n sheep and cow, yet never owu'd they did ill f 

Great rogues, for sure tiiat wiglit is but a rogue, 

Thiit blots the eighth coiumand from Moses' decalogue. 



CANTO SECOND. 43 



XLIII. 



And some of them in sloop of tarry side, 
Come from North-Berwick harbour sailing out j 

Others, abhorrent of the sick'ning tide, 
Have ta'en the road by Stirling brig about, 

And eastward now from long Kirkcaldy ride, 
Slugging on their slow-gaited asses stout, 

While, dangling, at their backs are bagpipes hung. 

And, dangling, hangs a tale on ev^ry rhimer's tongue. 

XLIV. 

Amid them rides, on lofty ass sublime, 

With cadger-like sobriety of canter, 
In purple lustihood of youthful prime. 

Great in his future glory, Rob the Ranter j 
(I give the man what name in little time, 

He shall acquire from pipe and drone and chanter ;) 
He comes apparell'd like a trim bridegroom. 
Fiery and flusii'd with hope, and like a god in bloom. 

XLV. 

No paltry vagrant piper-carle is he, 

Whose base-brib'd drone whiffs out its wind for hire, 
Who, having stroU'd all day for penny fee, 

Couches at night with oxen in the byre; 
Rob is a Border laird of good degree, 

A many-acred, clever, jolly squire, 
5 * 



44 ANSTER FAIR. 

One born and shap'd to shine and make a figure, 
And blessM with supple iimbs to jump with wondroirs 
figour. 

XLVI. 

His waggish face, that speaks a soul jocose, 

Seems t'have been cast i'the mould of fun and glee, 

And on the bridge of his well-arched nose 
Sits Laughter plum'd, and white-wing'd Jollity ; 

His manly chest a breadth heroick shows j 
Bold is his gesture, dignified and free; 

Ev'n as he smiths with lash his ass's hip, 

'T is with a seemly grace he whirls his glitfring whip. 

XLvn. 

His coat is of the flashy Lincoln green, ^ 

With silver buttons of the prettiest mould , 

Each buttonhole and skirt and hem is seen 
Sparkishly edg'd with lace of yellow gold ; 

His breeches of the velvet smooth and clean. 
Are very fair and goodly to behold ; 

So on he rides, and let him e'en ride on. 

We shall again meet Rob, to-morrow at the loan. 

XLVIII. 

But mark his ass ere off lie ride ; — some say, 

He got him from a pilgrim lady fair. 
Who, landing once on Joppa's wave worn quay, 

Had bought him of Armenian merchant there, 



CANTO SECOND. 45 

A, 

And prest his padded pack, and rode away 

To snufF devotion in with Syria's air ; 
Then brought him home in hold of stout Levanter,* 
All for the great good luck of honest Rob the Ranter, 

XLIX. 

Along Fife's western roads, behold, how hie 
The travel-sweltry crowds to Ansteh loan, 

Shaded, o'erhead, with clouds of dust that fly 
Tarnishing heav'n with darkness not its own ! 

And scarcely can the Muse's lynx-sharp eye 

Scan,'^hrough the dusty nuisance upward blown, 

The ruddy plaids, black hats, and bonnets blue, 

Of those that rush below, a motley-vestur'd crew I 



Nor only was the land with crowds opprest, 
That trample forward to th' expected Fair ; 

The harass'd ocean had no peace or rest. 
So many keels her foamy bosom tear ; 

For, into view, now sailing from the west, 
With streamers idling in the bluish air, 

Appear the painted pleasure-boats unleaky, 

Charg'd with a precious freight,— the good folks of Auld 
Reekie. 

* Ship trading to and from tlie Levant, so called by sfearaeii- 



46 ANSTER FAIR. 



LI. 

They come, the cream and flowV of all the Scots, 
The children of politeness, science, wit, 

Exulting in their bench'd and gaudy boats, 
Wherein some joking and some puking sit j 

Proudly the pageantry of carvels floats, 
As if the salt sea frisk'd to carry it ; 

The gales vie emulous their sails to wag, 

And dally as in love with each long gilded flag. 

LIT; 

Upon the benches seated, I descry 

Her gentry j knights, and lairds, and long-nail'd fops ; 
Her advocates and signet-writers sly ; 

Her gen'rous merchants, faithful to their shops j 
Her lean-cheek'd tetchy criticks, who, O fy ! 

Hard- retching, spue upon the sails and ropes j 
Her lovely ladies, with their lips like rubies ; 
Her fiddlers, fuddlers, fools, bards, blockheads, black- 
guards, boobies. 

LIII. 

And red-prow'd fisher-boats afar are spy'd 
In south east, tilting o'er the jasper main, 

Whose wing- like oars, dispread on either side, 
Now swoop on sea, now rise in sky again : 



(JANf O SECOND. 47 

"they come not now, with herring-nets supply M, 
Of b-ii bed lines to twitch the haddock train, 
But with the townsfolk of Dunbar are laden, 
Who burii to see the Fair, — man, stripling, wife and 
niaiden. 

LIV. 

And many a Dane, with riftglets long and red, 
And many a starv'd Norwegian, lank and brown, 

(For over seas the fame of Mag had spread 
Afar from Scandinavian town to town,) 

Maugre tjje risk of drowning, and the dread 
Oi krakens, isles of Ssh of droll renown, 

Have dar'd to cross the ocean, and now steer 

Their long outlandish skiffs direct on Anster pier. 

I/V. 

Forward they scud ; and soon each pleasurebarg^. 
And fisher-boats, and skiffs so slim and lax, 

On snore their various passengers discharge. 
Some hungry, queasy some and white as flax ; 

Lightly they bound upon the beach's verge, 

Giad to unbend their stiffen'd houghs and backs : 

But who is that, O Muse, with lofty brow, 

I'hat from his lacker'd boat is just forth- stepping now ? 

LVL 

Thou fool ! (for I have ne'er since Bavins' days 
Had such a dolt to dictate to as thou,) 



48 ANSTER FAIR. 

Dost thou not know, by that eye's kingly rays, 

And by the arch oi that celestial brow, 
And by the grace his ev'ry step displays. 

And by tiie crowds that round him duck and bow, 
That that is good King James, the merriest Monarch 
That ever sceptre sway'd since Noah steer'd his own 
ark ? 

LVII. 

Foe, as he in his house of Holyrood 
Of late was keeping jovially his court. 

The gip?ey Fame beside his window stood, 
And noliow'd in uis ear fair Mag's report : 

The Monarch laugh'd, for to his gamesome mood, 
Accorded well th' anticipated sport ; 

So here he comes with lord and lady near. 

Stepping with regal stride up Anster's eastern pier. 

LVIII. 

But mark you, boy, how in a loyal ring 
(As does obedient subjects well become) 

Fife's hospitable lairds salute their Kmg, 
And kiss his little finger or his thumb ; 

That done, their liege lord they escorting bring 
To Ansteh House,* that he may eat a crmnb ; 

Where in the stucco'd hall they sit and dine, 

And into tenfold joy bedrench their blood with wine. 

* Anster House was destroyed to its foundatioD in 18I1. 



CANTO SECOND. 49 



LIX. 

Some with the ladies in their chambers ply 

Their bounding elasticity of heel, 
Evolving, as they trip it whirlingly, 

The merry mazes of th' entangled reel ; 
'Tween roof and floor, they fling, they flirt, they fly, 

Their garments swimming round them as they wheel ; 
The rafters creak beneath the dance's clatter ; 
Tremble the solid walls with feet that sliake and patter. 

LX. 

Some (wiser they,) resolv'd on drinking-bout, 
The wines of good Sir John englut amain j 

Their glasses soon are fill'd, and soon drunk out, 
And soon are btimper'd to the brim again : 

Certes that laird is but a foolish lout, 

Who does not fuddle now with might and main j 

For gen'rous is their host, and, by my sooth, 

Was never better wine apply'd to Scottish mouth. 

LXI. 

With might and main they fuddle and carouse ; 

Each glass augments their thirst, and keens their wit j 
They swill, they swig, they take a hearty rouse, 

Cheering their flesh with Bacchus' benefit, 
Till, by and by, the windows of the house 



$0 ANSTER FAIR. 

Go dizzily whirling round them where they sit ; 
And had you seen the sport, and heard the laughing, 
You'd thoufrht that all Jove's gods in Anster house 
sat quaffing. 

LXII. 

Not such a wassail, fam'd for social glee, 
In Shushan's gardens long ago was held, 

When Ahasuerus, by a blithe decree, 

His turban'd satraps to the house compell'd, 

And bagg'd their Persian paunches with a sea 
Of wine, that from his carved gold they swill'd, 

Whilst overhead was stretch'd (a gorgeous show !) 

Blue blankets, silver-starr'd, a heav'n of callico ! 

LXIII. 

Nor less is the disport and joy without, 
In Anster town and loan, through all the throng: 

'Tis but one vast tumultuous jovial rout, 
Tumult of laughing, and of gabbling strong j 

Thousands ^nd tens of thousands reel about, 
With joyous uproar blustering along ; 

Elbows push boriugly on sides with pain. 

Wives iiustiing come on wives, and men dash hard on 
men. 

LXIV. 

There lacks no sport :— tumblers, in vropdrous pranks, 
High-stag'd, display their limbs' agility; 

A.nd now, they, n.ountaut from the scaffold's planks, 
Kick with their wiiirling heele the clouds on high, 



CANTO SECOND. 51 

And now, like cat, upon their dext'rous shanks, 

They light, and of new monsters cheat the sky ; 
Whilst motley Merry- Andrew, with his jokes, 
Wide through th' incorp'rate mob the bursting laugh 
provokes. 

LXV. 

Others upon the green, in open air, 

Enact the best of Davie Lindsay's plays j 

While ballad-singing women do not spare 

Their throats, to give good utt'rance to their lays; 

And many a leather- lung'd co-chanting pair 

Of wood-legg'd sailors, children's laugh and gaze, 

Lift to'the courts of Jove their voices loud, 

Y-hymning their mishaps, to please the heedless crowd. 
« 

Lxvr. 

Mean while the sun, fatigued, (as well he may,) 
With shining on a night till seven o'clock, 

Beams on each chimney-head a farewell ray. 
Illuming into golden shaft its smoke ; 

And now in sea, far west from Oronsay, 

Is dipp'd his chariot-wheel's refulgent spoke, 

And now a section of his face appears. 

And, diving, now he ducks clean down o'er head and 
ears. 

LXVII. 

Anon uprise", with blithe bagpipe's sound, 
And shriller din of flying fiddlestick, 
6 



d2 ANSTER FAIR. 

On the green loan and meadow-crofts around, 
A town of tents, witli blankets roofed quick : 

A thousand stakes are rooted in the ground ; 
A thousand hammers clank and clatter thick j 

A thousand Hddles squeak and squeal it yare ; 

A thousand stormy drones out-gasp in groans their air. 

LXVIII. 

And such a turbulence of gen'ral mirth 

Rises from Anster loan upon the sky, 
That from his throne Jove starts, and down on earth 

Looks, wond'ring what may be the jollity : 
He roots his ej- e on shores of Forthan firth. 

And smerks, as knowing well the market nigh. 
And bids his gods and goddesses look down, * 
To mark the rage of joy that-raaddens Anster town. 

LXIX. 

From Cellardyke to wind-swept Pittenweem, 

And from Balhouffie to Kilrennymill, 
V'aulted with blankets crofts and meadows seem, 

So many tents the gi-assy spaces fill ; 
Mean time the Moon, yet leaning on the stream, 

With fluid silver bathes the welkin chill, 
That now Earth's half-ball, on the side of night, 
Swims in an argent sea of beautiful moonliaiht. 



CANTO SECOND. US 



LXX. 

Then to his bed full many a man retires, 
On phime, or chaff, or straw, to get a nap, * 

In houses, tents, in haylofts, stables, byres, 
And or without, or with, a warm night-cap i 

Yet sleep not all j for by the social fires 
Sit many, cuddling round their toddy-sap, 

And ever and anon they eat a lunch. 

And rinse the mouthfuls down with flav'rous whisky 
punch. 

LXXI. 

Some, shuffling paper nothings, keenly read 
The Devil's maxims in his painted books, 

Till the old serpent in each heart and head 

Spits canker, and witli wormwood sours their looks : 

Some o'er the chess-board's chequer'd champain lead 
Their inch-tall bishops, kings, and queens, and rooks ; 

Some force, t' inclose the Tod, the wooden Lamb on ; 

Some shake the pelting dice upon the broad backgam- 
mon. 

Lxxir. 

others of travell'd elegance polite, 

With mingling musick Maggie's house surraund. 
And serenade her all the live-long night, 

Witii song and lyre, and flutes' enchanting sound. 



54 ANSTER FAIR. 

Chiming and hymning into fond delight 

The heavy night air that o'ershades the gi'ound i 
While she, right pensive, in her chamber-nook 
Sits pond'ring on th' advice of little Tommy Puck. 



ANSTER FAIR, 



CANTO III. 



ANSTER FAIR. 



CANTO in. 



I. 



1 WISH I had a cottage snug and neat 

Upon the top of many-fountain'd Ida, 
That I might thence in holy fervour greet 

The brigbt-gown'd Morning tripping up her side ; 
And when the low Sun's glory- busk in'd feet 

Walk on the blue wave of th' ^Egean tide, 
O, I would kneel me down, and worship there 
The God who garnish'd out a world so bright and fair ! 



II. 



The safFron-elbow'd Morning up the slope 
Of heav'n canaries in her jewell'd shoes, 

And throws o'er Kelly-law's sheep-nibbled toji 
Hei- goldfn apron dripping kindly dewg;^ 



5{{ ANSTER FAIR. 

And never, since the first began to hop 

Up Heav'n's blue causeway, of her beams profuse. 
Shone tliere a dawn so glorious and so gay, 
As shines the raerry dawn of Ansteii Market-day. 

Ill; 

Round through the vast circumference of sky 

One speck of small cloud cannot eye beiiold, ^ 

Save in the East some fleeces bright of die, 
That stripe the hem of heav'n vritli woolly gold, 

Whereon are happy angels wont to lie 
Lolling, in amaranthine flow'rs enroll'd, 

That they may spy the precious light of God, 

171ung from tlte blessed East o'er the fair Earth abroad, 

IV. 

The fair Earth lauglis t]irou;4;h all her boundless range, 
Heaving her green hills high to greet the beam ; 

City and village, steeple, cot, and grange, 
Gilt as with Nature's purest loaf-gold seem j 

The heaths and upland mulrs, and (billows, change 
Their barren brown into a ruddy gleam. 

And, on ten thousand dew-bcnl leaves and sprays, 

Twinkle ten thousand suns, and Oing their petty rays. 

V 

Up from their np:-ls and nckls oi" tender corn 
I'ull merrily the little sky iarl;s s'/ring, 



CANTO THIRD. 59 

And on their dew-bedabbled pinions borne, 
Mount to the beav'n's blue key-stone flickering : 

They turn their plume-soft bosoms to the mom, 
And hail the genial light, and cheerly sing; 

Echo the gladsome hills and valleys round, 

As half the bells of Fife ring loud and swell the sound. 

VI. 
I 

For when the first upsloping ray was flung 
On Anstek steeple's swallow-harb'ring top, 

Its bell and all the bells around were rung 
Sonorous, jangling loud without a stop ^ 

For toilingly each bitter beadle swung, 
Ev'n4ill he smok'd with sweat, his greasy rope, 

And almost broke his bell-wheel, ush'ring in 

The morn of Ansteh Fair, with tinkle-tankling din. 

VII. 

And, from our iteeple's pinnacle out-spread. 
The town's long colours flare and flap on high, 

Whose anchor, blazon'd fair in green and red, 
Curls, pliant to each breeze ihat whistles by ; 

Whilst, on the boltsprit, stern, and topmost-head, 
Of brig and sloop that in the harbour lie, 

Streams the red gaudery of flags in air, 

All to salute and grace the mom of Akstee Faik. 



lO ANSTER FAIR. 



VIII. 

Forthwith from house and cellar, tent and byre, 
Rous'd by the clink of beKs that jingle ou, 

Uncabin'd, rush the multitude like Ine, 

Furious and squeezing forward to tiie loan ;* 

The son, impatient, leaves his snail-slow sire; 
The daughter leaves her mam to ti'ot alone; 

So madly leap they, man, wife, girl, and boy. 

As if the senseless Earth they kick\l for very joy. 

IX. 

And such the noise of feet that trampling pass, 
Ana tongues that roar and rap from jaw to jaw, 

As if ten tiiousand chariots, wheel'd with brass. 
Came iiurimg down tlic sides of Largo- law ; 

And such tiie number of the people was, 
As wiien in day of Autumn, chill and raw, 

His small clouds Eurus sends, a vap'ry train, 

Streaming inscattcr'd rack, exhaustless, from the maid. 

X. 

For who like ar.'-ant slugs can keep their heads 
In contact with tiieir pillows now ujjstirr'd ? 

Grandfathers leave their all-yeiu'-rumpled beds. 
With niotli-eat breeches now their ioms to gird, 

* Aiistcr loiui must, In those days, have been of great extent : at 
l>reseut its limits <u-c coiUi-acud aluiusi to tii« brtadtli ot'tlie liigh- 
■nay. 



CANTO THIRD. Ul 

AikI, drawn abio;ui or) tumbrils and on sleds, 

Chat off thcii' years, and Bing like vernal bird ; 
Men, whom cold agues into leanness freeze, 
iuiblankcted walk out, and snuff the kindly breeze. 

XI. 

And flea-bit wives, on whose old arms and cheeks 
The spoiler Time hath driv'n his furrowing plough, 

Whose cold dry bones have all the winter weeks 
Hung, shiv'ring o'er their chimney's peat-fed glow, 

Kow warm and flexible, and lilhe a« leeks, 
Wabbiu^i^ly walk to see the joyous show ; 

What wonder ? when ^aeh bilck and pavcmeut-Btone 

Wish'd it had feet that day to v/alk to Ansteb Loan. 

XH. 

Upon a little dappled nag, whose mane 

Seem'd to have robb'd the steeds of Phaeton, 

Whose bit, and pad, and fairly fashion'd rein, 
With silvery adornments richly shone, 

Came Maggi e Laldek forth, enwheel'd with train 
Of knights and lairds around her trotting on : 

At James' right liand she rode, a b*^anteou« Bride, 

Tiiat weil descrv'd to go by haijghtie>;t Monarclj's side.. 

XHI. 

Her form was as the Morning's biithfRome star, 
That, capp'd wit!i lustrou': coronet oi* beauis. 



62 ANSTER FAIR. 

Rides up Ibe dawning orient in her car, 

New-wash'd and doubly fulgent from the streams ; 
The Chaldee shepherd eyes her light afar, 

And on his knees adores her as she gleams : 
So shone the stately form of Maggie Lauder, 
And so th' admiring crowds pay homage, and applaud 
her, 

XIV. 

Each little step her trampling palfrey took 
Shak'd her majestick person into grace, 
, And, as at times, his glossy sides she strook 
Endearingly with whip's green silken lace, 

(The prancer seem'd to court such kind rebuke, 
Loit'ring with wilful tardiness of pace ;) 

By Jove, the very waving of her arm 

Had pow'r a brutish lout t' unbrutify and charm .' 

XV. 

Her face was as the summer cloud, whereon 
The dawning sun delights to rest his rays j 

Compar'd with it, old Sharon's vale, o'ergrown 
With flaunting roses, had resign'd its praise ; 

For why p Her face with Heav'n'sown roses shone, 
Mocking the morn, and witching men to gaze j 

And he that gaz'd with cold unsmitten soul. 

That blockhead's heart was ice thrice bak'd beneath tb 
poJe. 



CANTO THIRD. 



xvr. 

Her locks, apparent tufts of wiry gold, 
Lay on her lily temples, fairly dangling, 

And on each hair, so harmless to behold, 
A lover's soul hung mercilessly strangling ; 

The piping silly zephyrs vied t' infold 
The tresses in their arms so slim and tangling, 

And thrid in sport these lover-noosing snares. 

And play'd at hide-and seek amid th« golden haire. 

XVII. 

Her eye was as an honour'd palace, where 
A choir of lightsome Graces frisk and dance j 

What object drew her gaze, how mean so e'er, 
Got dignity and honour from the glance j 

Wo to the man on whom she unaware 
Did the dear witch' ry of her eye elance ! 

'Twas such a thrilling, killing, keen regard — 

May Heav'n from such a look preserve each tender bard 

XVIII. 

Beneatli its shading tucker heav'd a breast 
Fashion'd to take with ravishment mankind j 

For never did the flimsy Coan vest 
Hide such a bosom in its gauze of wind j 

Ev'n a pure angel, looking, had confest 
A sinless transport passing o'er his mind 5 
7 



g4 ANSTER FAIR. 

For, in the nicest turning-loom of Jove, 

Turn'd were these charming hills, t' inspire a holy love. 

XIX. 

80 on she rode in virgin majesty. 

Charming the thin dead aii- to kiss her lips, 

And with the light and grandeur of her eye 
Sh-iraing the proud sun into dim eclipse ; 

While, round herprespnce clust'ring far and nigh, 
On horseback some, with silver spurs and whips, 

And some a<bot with shoes of dazzling buckles. 

Attend »^rt Vuights, and lairds, and clowns with horny 
knuckles. 

XX. 

Not with such crowd surrounded, nor so fair 

In form, rode forth Semiramis of old, 
On cliariot where she sat in iv'ry chair, 

Beneath a sky of carbuncle and gold. 
When to Euphrates' banks to take tlie air. 

Or her new rising brickwalls to behold. 
Abroad she drove, whilst round her wheels were pour'd 
Satrap, and turban'd squire, and pursy Chaldee lord. 

XXI. 

Soon to the Loan came Mag, nnd from her pad 

Dl^rnouuting with a queen-like <lignity, 
(So from hi;' hii^yint cloud, man's heiirt to glad, 

Ligiits a bright angel on a liill-top high,) 



CANTO THIRD. 6$ 

(Jn a small mouDd, with turfy greenness clad 

She lit, and walk'd encliaD*iiient on the eye j 
Then on two chairs, that on its top stood ready, 
Down sat the good King James, and Anstbr'S bonnf 
Lady. 

XXII. 

Their chairs were finely carv'd, and overlaid 

With the thin lustre of adorning gold, 
And o'er their he -ids a canopy was spread 

Of arras, flower'd with figures manifold, 
Supported by four boys, of silver made. 

Whose giitt'ring hands the vault of cloth uphold j 
On each side sat or stood, to view the sport, 
Stout \fttd, and iady fair, the flow'r of Scotland's court. 

XXIII. 

On their gilt chairs they scarce had time to sit. 
When uprose, sudden, from th' applauding mob, 

A shout enough to startle hell, and split 
The roundness of the granite-ribbed globe ; 

The mews of May's steep isfet, terrour-smit, 
Clang'd correspondent in a shril? hubbub, 

And had the Moon then hung above the main, 

Ciack'd had that horrid shout her spotted orb in twain. 

XXIV. 

Thrice did their shouting make a little pause. 
That so their lungs might draw recruiting air. 



56 ANSTER FAIR. 

Thrice did the stormy tumult of applause 
Shake the Fife woods, and fright the foxes there j 

Sky rattled, and Kilbrachmont's crows and daws, 
Alarm'd, sung hoarsely o'er their callow care : 

O never, sure, in Fife's town-girdled shire, 

Was heard, before or since, a shout so loud and dire ! 

XXV. 

Nor ceas'd th' acclaim when ceas'd the sound of voicej, 
For fiddlesticks, in myriads, bick'ring fast, 

Shriek'd on their shrunken guts a shrilling noise ; 
And pipe, and drone, with whistle, and with blast. 

Consorted, hum'd and squeak'd, and swell'd the joys 
With furious harmony loo high to last ; 

And such a hum of pipe and drone was there,* 

As if on earth men pip'd, and devils dron'd in air. 

XXVI. 

Thus did the crowd with fiddle, lungs and drona^ 
Congratulate fair Maggie and their King, 

Till at the last, wide-spreading round the Loan, 
They form'd of huge circumference a ring, 

Inclosing green space, bare of bush and stone, 
Where might the asses run, and suitors spring j 

Upon its southmost end, high chair'd were seen 

The Monarch and the Dame, and overlook 'd the greea. 

* Such a yell was there. 
As if men fought upon the ^rth, 
'Aud fiends in upper air. Stotft Marmion. 



CANTO THIRD. 67 



XXVII. 

Anon, the King's stout trumpet blew aloud, 

Silence imposing on the rabble's roar j 
Silent as summer sky stood all the crowd ; 

Each bag was strangled and could snort no more; 
(So sinks the roaring of the foamy flood, 

When Neptune's clarion twangs from shore to shore,) 
Then through his trump he bawl'd with such a stress, 
One might have known his words a mile beyond Craw- 
ness. — 

XXVHI. 

" Ho ! hark ye, merry mortals ! hark ye, ho ! 

The King now speaks, nor what he speaks is vain.; 
This day's amount of bus'ness well ye know. 

So what ye know I will not tell again : 
He hopes your asses are more swift than doe ; 

He hopes your sacks are strong as iron chain ; 
He hopes your bags and pipes are swoll'n and screw 'd ; 
He hopes your rhime-cramm'd brains are in a famous 
mood. 

XXIX. 

" For, verily, in Anster's beauteous Dame 

Awaits the victor no despis'd reward ; 
Sith well she merits that the starry frame 

Should drop A-poilo on that grassy sward. 
That so he might, by clever jumping, claim 

A fairer Daphne than whom once he marr'd; 
7 * 



68 ANSTER FAIR. 

So fair is Mag : yet, not her charms alone, 

A present from the King shall be the victor's own ; 

XXX. 

" For as a dow'r, along with Maggie's hand, 
The Monarcli shall the conqueror present 

With ten score acres of the royal land, 
All good of soil, and of the highest rent ; 

Near where Dunfermline's palace-turrets stand, 
They stretch, array'd in wheat, their green extent : 

With such a gift the King shall crown to-day 

The gen'rous toils of him who bears the prize away. 

XXXI. 

" And he, prize- blest, shall enter Maggie's door, 

Who shall in all the trials victor bej 
Or, if there hap no victor in the four, 

He who shall shine and conquer in the three ; 
But, should sly fortune give to two or more, 

An equal chance in equal victory, 
'Tis Mag's of these to choose the dearest beau : — 
So bring your asses in, bring in your asses, ho !"— 

XXXIJ. 

iScarce from his clara'rous brass the words were blown, 
When froni the globe of people issued out 

Donkeys in dozens, and in scores, that shone 
In purple some, and some in plainer clout, 



CANTO THIRD. 69 

With many a wag astraddle plac'd thereon, 
Green- coated knight, and laird, and clumsy lout, 
• That one and all came burning with ambition. 
To try their asses' speed in awkward competition. 

XXXIII. 

And some sat wielding silver-headed whips, 
Whisking their asses' ears with silken thoftg; 

Some thrash'd and thwack 'd their sturdy hairy hips. 
With knotted cudgels ponderous and strong; 

And some had spurs, whose every rowel dips 
Amid their ribs an inch of iron long ; 

And soBie had bridles gay and bits of gold, 

And some had hempen reins, most shabby to behold. 

XXXIV. 

Affiid them enter'd, on the listed space, ' 

Great Rob (the Ranter was his after name,) 

With Fun's broad ensign hoisted in his face, 
And aug'ring to himself immortal fame; 

And aye, iipon the hillock's loftier place. 
Where sat his destin'd spouse, the blooming Dame, 

A glance he flung, regardless of the reins, 

And felt the rapid love glide tingling through his veins. 

XXXV. 

3hp, too, upon the Eord'rer's manly size 
With prepossessing favour ftx'd her sight; 



70 ANSTER FAIR. 

For woman's sharp and well-observina; eyes 
Soon single out the seemliest, stateliest wight ; 

And, oh ! (she to herself thus silent sighs,) 
Were't but the will of Puck the dapper sprite, 

I could — La ! what a grace of form divine ! — 

I could, in sooth, submit to lose my name in thine ! 

XXXVI. 

Forward they rode, to where the King and Mag 
O'erlook'd, superiour, from the southern mound, 

When, from his brute alighting every wag, 
His person hunch'd into a bow profound, 

And almost Iciss'd his shoes' bedusted tag, 
Grazing with nose most loyally the ground. 

As earthward crook'd they their corporeal frames 

Into obeisance due, before the gracious James. 

XXXVII. 

" Rise, rise, my lads, the jovial Monarch said, 

Her6 is not now the fittiog place to ply 
The courtier's and the dancing master's trade. 

Nuzzling the nasty ground obsequiously, 
Up, up — put hat and bonnet upon head — 

The chilling dew still drizzles from the sky ; 
Up — luck your coats succinct around your beJHes; 
Mount, mount your asses' bacts like clever vaulting 
fellows. 



CANTO THIRD. 71 



XXXVIII. 

»* And see, that, when the race's sign is given, 
Each rider whirl his whip with swingeing might, 

Or toss his whizzing cudgel up to heav'n, 
That with more goodly bang it down may light; 

And let the spur's blood-thirsty teeth be driven 
Through hide and hair by either heel aright, 

For 'tis a beast most sluggish, sour, and slow ;— 

Be mounting then, my hearts, and range ye in a row : 

XXXIX. 

^* And look ye northwards— note yon raastlike pole 
Tassel'd with ribands and betrimm'd with clout. 

Yon — mark it— is the race-ground's nortliern goal, 
Where you must turn your asses' heads about, 

And jerk them southward, till with gladsome soul 
You reach that spot whence now you're setting out ^ 

And he that reaches first, shall loud be shouted 

The happy, happy man — I'll say no more about it,"-^ 

XL. 

This said, they like the glimpse of lightning quick, 

Upvaulted on their backbones asinine. 
And marshaii'd, by the force of spur and stick, 

The long-ear'd iubbards in an even line : 
Then sat, awaiting that momentous nick 

When James's herald should y-twang the sign: 



2 ANSTER FAIR. 

Each whip was rear'd aloft in act to ci-ack, 

Each cudgel hung in sky surcharg'd with stormy thwacR 

XLI. 

Frisk'd with impatient flutter every heart 
As the brisk anxious blood began to jump j 

Each human ear prick'd up its flesliiest part, 
To catch the earliest notice of the trump ; 

When iiirk! with blast that spoke the sign to start, 
The brass-ton'd clarion gave tne air a thump, 

Whoop — off they go — halloo — they shoot— they fly — 

They spur — they whip — they crack — they bawl — they 
curse — they cry. — 

XLir. 

A hundred whips, high toss'd in etl)er, sung 
Tempestuous, fliiting up and down like fire; 

^Twet'D sky and earth as many cudgels swung 
Their gnarled lengths in formidable gyre, 

And, hissing, from their farther ends down flimg 
A storm of wooden bangs and anguish dire ) 

Wo to the beastly ribs, and sculls, and backs, 

Foredoora'd to bear the weight of such unwieldy cracks ! 

XLIII. 

Wo to the beastly bowels, doora*d, alas ! 
To bear the spur's sharp steely agony j 



CANTO THIRD. ?3 

For through the sore-gall'd hides of every ass 
Squirts the vext Wood in gush of scarlet die, 

While as they slug along the hoof-crush'd grass, 
Rises a bray so horrid and so high, 

As if all Bashnn's bulls, with fat o'ergrown. 

Had bellowed on the green of Anster's frighted Loan. 

XLIV. 

Who can in silly pithless words paint well 

The pithy feats of that laborious race ? 
Who can the cudgellings and whippings tell, > 

The hurry, emulation, joy, disgrace? 
'Twould take for tongue the clapper of a bell, 

To spdSk the total wonders of the chaee ; 
'Twould need a set of sturdy brassy lung?, 
To tell liie mangled whips, and shatter'd sticks and rungs. 

XLV. 

Each rider pushes on to be the first, 

Nor has he now an eye to look behind ; 
One ass trots smartly on, though like to burst 

With bounding blood, and scantiness of wind j 
Another, by his master bann'd and curs'd. 

Goes backward through perversity of mind, 
Inching along in motion retrograde, 
Contrarious to the course which Scotland's Monarch 
bade. 



74 ANSTER FAIR. 



XLVI. 



A third obdurate stands and cudgel-proof, 
And steadfast as th' unchissellM rock of flint, 

Regardless tliough the heaven's high marble roof 
Should fall upon his skull with mortal dint, 

Or though, conspiring, Earth, beneath his hoof. 
Should sprout up coal with fiery flashes in't. 

Whilst on his back his grieved and waspish master, 

The stubborner he stands, still bangs and bangs thfl 
faster. 

XLVII. 

Meantime, the rabblement, with favViog shout, 
And clapping hand, set up so loud a din, 

As almost with stark terrour frighted out 
Each ass's soul from hispartic'Iar skin ; 

Rattled the bursts of laughter round about ; 
Grinn'd every phis? with mirth's peculiar grin; 

As through the loan they saw the cuddies awkward 

Bustling Tome straight, some thwart, some forward, an 
some backward. 

XLVIII. 

As when the clouds, by gusty whirlwind riven, 
And whipp'd into confusion pitchy-black, 

Pelach'd, fly diverse round the cope of heaven., 
Reelins? and jostling in uncertain rack, 



CANTO THIRD. 75 

And some are northward, some are southward drivett, 

With storm embroiling all the zodiack, 
Till the clash'd clouds send out the fiery flash, 
And peals, with awful roll, the long loud thunder crash. 

XLIX. 

Just in such foul confusion and alarm 

Jostle the cuddies with rebellious mind. 
All drench'd with sweat, internally so warm. 

They loudly bray before, and belch behind : 
But who is yon, the foremost of the swarm, 

That scampers fleetly as the rain-raw wind ? 
'Tis Robert Scott, if 1 can trust my eyne; 
I know *he Bord'rer well, by his long coat of green.. 

L. 

See how his bright whip, brandish'd round his head^ 
Flickers like streamer in the northern skies j 

See how his ass on earth with nimble tread 
Half flying rides, in air half-riding flies, 

As if a pair of ostrich wings, out-spread. 

To help him on, had sprouted from his thighs : 

Well scamperM, Rob— well whipt-well spurr'd-my boy^ 

O haste ye. Ranter, haste — rush — gallop to thy joy ! 

LI. 

The pole is gain'd ; his ass's head he turns 
•Southward, to tread the trodden ground again ; 
S 



re ANSTER FAIR. 

Sparkles like flint the cuddy^s hoof and hums, 
Seeming to leave a smoke upon the plain ; 

His bitted month tlie foam impatient churns ; 
Sweeps his broad tail beliind him like a train . 

Speed, cuddy, speed— O, slacken not thy pace ; 

Ten minutes more like this, and thou shalt gain the race! 

LII. 

He comes careering on the sounding Loan, 
With pace unslacken'd hast'ning to the knoll, 

And, as lie meets with those that hobble on 
With northward heads to gain the riband'd pole, 

Ev'n by his forceful fury are oVrthrowi\ 
His long-ear'd 1 ethren in confusion droll ; 

For as tlieir sides, he passing, slightly grazes. 

By that collision shock'd, down roll the founderM asses^ 

LIII. 

Heels over head they tumble j ass on ass 

They dash, and twenty times roll o'er and o^er, 

Lubberly wallowing along the grass, 
In beastly ruin and with beastly roar ; 

While their vcxt riders in poor plight, alas ! 
Flung from their saddles three long ells and more, 

Bmis'd and commingled, with their cuddies sprawl. 

Cursing th' intpetuous brute, whose conflict causM thehr 
fall. 



CANTO THIRD. ff 



With half) upon their |i«;a(jM they ilowri did light, 
Wiltu>ut<'fi hiitKdiMiifvicdiiily they vohc; 

Clean were their fa(«« ere they fell and hrigUt, 
But dirly-fac'd lliey i^ot tjj> ■jh Uior Ui^iw j 

Strong were their Hinewu ere they fell and ti;5ht, 
Hip-ehot they »torxl up, Mpraia^d with many woea j 

Blithe were their a«pe(;tH ere tlie j^round tijey tr>ok, 

Grliu louring ro»e they up, with crabbed gti;iiitrul look. 

LV. 

And, t/faujjnient their sorrow and 'cheir Hhaaie, 
A hail abhorr'd of nauHeouK rotten eggs. 

In rascal volleyB from the rabble came 
OpprobriouH, on their bellies, he-adn and lej^s, 

Smearing with «liine that ill their clotheH be<;ame, 
Whereliy they stiink like wash- po! luted pig«, 

For in frach Hputt'rinsi "hell a juice waw lound, 

Foul as the dribbling pus of Piiiloetetes' wo(jnd. 

LVI. 

All ! then with grievous limp along the ground. 
They wxjght their hatH that had ho flown away, 

And Home were, cuffd and much diHa<<ter'd, ffnjnd, 
And haply »ome not found unto this day : 

Meanwhile, with vnai and undin)ini:ih'tl b<jund, 
Sheer through the bestial wreck and diHanay, 



78. ANSTER FAIR. 

The brute of Mesopotam hurries on, 

And in his madding speed devours the trembling Loan. 

LVII. 

Speed, cuddy, speed — one short, short minute more, 
And finish'd is thy toil, and won the race — 

Now — one half minute and thy toils are o'er — 
His toils are o'er, and he has gain'd the base ! 

He shakes his tail, the conscious conqueror j 
Joy peeps through his stupidity of face ; 

He seems to wait the Monarch's approbation, 

As quiver his long ears with self-congratulation. 

LVIfL 

Straight from the stirrup Rob dislodg'd his feet, 
And, flinging from his grasp away the rein, 

Off sprung, and louting in obeisance meet. 
Did lowly duty to his King again : 

His King with salutation kind did greet 
Him the victorious champion of the plain. 

And bade him rise, and up the hillock skip, 

That he the royal hand might kiss with favour'd lip. 

LIX. 

Whereat, obedient to the high command. 
Great Robert Scott, upbolting from the ground, 

Rush'd up, in majesty of gesture grand. 
To where the Monarch sat upon the mound, 



CANTO THIRD. 79 

And kissM the hard back of his haijy hand, 

Respectfully, as fits a Monarch crown'dj 
But with a keener ecstasy he kiss'd 
The dearer tend'rer back of Maggie's downy fi^t. 

LX. 

Then took the trumpeter his clarion good. 

And, in a sharp and violent exclaim, 
Out from the brass among the multitude, 

Afar sent conqu'ring Rob's illustrious name ; 
Which heard, an outcry of applause ensued, 

That shook the dank dew from the starry frame ; 
Great Robert's name was halloo'd through the mob, 
And Edlo blabb'd to heav'n the name of mighty Rob. 

LXI. 

But, unapplauded, and in piteous case, 
The laggers on their vanquish'd asses slow, 

Shame-stung, with scurvy length of rueful face, 
Ride sneaking off to save them further wo ; 

For, cramm'd with slime and stench and vile disgrace, 
Th' abominable shells fly moe and moe, 

Till slink the men amid the press of folk. 

Secure from shame, and slime, and egg's unwholesome 
yolk. 

8 * 



ANSTER FAIR. 



CANTO IV. 



ANSTER FAIR. 



CANTO IV. 



I. 

X HERE*are who say, (the devil pioch them for it !) 

That I am but a silly poetaster, 
A trencher-licker in Apollo's court, 

A sorry boy, an arrant paper-waster ; 
The louts ! I'll make them mend their bad report, 

Or ou their mouths will clap a pitchy plaster j 
Ye blockheads, read my ass- race, and avow it, 
That I'm Homerick stuflf— ay, every inch a poet. 

II. 

Again, the herald at the King's desire 
His tube of metal to his mouth apply'^, 

And, with a roysting brazen clangour dire, 
Round to the heaving mass of rabble cry'd, 

Inviting every blade of fun and fire. 
That wish'd to jump in hempen bondage ty'd. 



84 ANSTER FAIR. 

Forthwith to start forth from the people'* ring, 

And fetch hia sack in hand, and stand before the King. 

III. 

Wo sooner in the sky his words were blown, 
Than through the multitude's compacted presH, 

Wedging their bodies, push to th' open Loan 
Th' audacious men of boasted springiness ; 

Some, Sampson-thigh'd, and large and big of bone, 
Brawn- burdeu'd, six feet high or httle less, 

Some, lean, flesh-wilher'd, stinted, oatmeal things, 

Yet hardy, tough, and smart, with heels like stee^ 
springs. 

IV. 

Nor were the offer'd candidates a few j 

In hundreds forth they issue, mad with zeal 

To try, in feats which haply some shall rue, 
Their perilous alacrity of heel j 

Each mortal brings his sack wherein to mew 
As in a pliant prison, strong as steel. 

His guiltless corse, and clog his uat'ral gait 

With cumbrance of cloth, embarrassing and strait. 

V. 

And in their hands they hold to view on higk 
Vain-gloriously, their bags of sturdy thread. 

And toss and wave them in th' aflFronted sky, 
Like honour-winning trophies o'er their head^ 



CANTO FOURTH. 8i 

Assuming merit, that they dare defy 

The dangers of a race so droll and dread : 
Ah, boast not, sirs, for premature's the brag ; 
*Tis time in troth to boast when off you put the bag ! 

VI. 

Onward they hasten'd, clamorous and loud, 
To where the Monarch sat upon the knoll, 

And, having to his presence humbly bow'd, 
And bar'd of reverential hat their poll, 

Their dirty sacks they wagg'd, erect and proud, 
Impatient, in their fiery fit of soul, 

And pertly shak'd, ev'n in the Monarch's eyes, 

A cloud of meal and flour that whirling round them flies. 

VII. 

But as the good King saw them thus prepar'd 
To have their persons scabbarded in cloth, 

He order'd twenty soldiers of his guard, 
All swashing fellows and of biggest growth, 

To step upon the green Loan's listed sward. 
That they may lend assistance, nothing lothe, 

To plunge into their pliant sheaths, neck deep. 

Th' ambitious men that dare such ov«r vent'rous leap. 

vm. 

They stepp'd obedient down, and in a trice 
Put on the suitors' comical array ; 



86 ANSTER FAIR. 

Each sack gap'd wide its monstrous orifice, 

To swallow to the neck its living prey ; 
And, as a swineherd puts in poke a grice 

To carry from its sty some little way, 
So did the soldiers plunge the men, within 
Their yawning gloomy gulfs, ev'n to the neck and chin. 

IX. 

As when of yore the Roman forum, split 

By earthquake, yawn'd a black tremendous hole, 

Voracious, deep'ning still, though flung in it 
Were stones and trees with all their branches whole, 

Till, in a noble patriotick fit, 
The younker Curtius of devoted soul 

Down headlong yarely gallop'd, horse and all, 

And dashed his gallant bones to atoms by the fall :- 

X. 

So fearlessly these men of fair Scotland 

(Though not to death,) down plung'd into their sacks> 
Entoiling into impotence to stand 

Their feet, and mobbling legs, and sides, and backs^ 
Till tightly drawn was every twisted band. 

And knotted firmly round their valiant necks, 
That, in their rival rage to jump forthright. 
They might not struggle off tlieir case of sackcloth tight!. 



CANTO FOURTH. 87 



XI. 



Nor, -when their bodies were atcontred well, 
Upon their tfnmber'd feet stood all upright, 

But some, unpractis'd or uncautious, fell 
Sousiag with lumpish undefended weight. 

And roll'd upon the turf full many an ell, 
Incapable of uprise, sad in plight j 

Till, rais'd again, with those that keep their feet, 

.loin'd in a line they stand each in his winding-sheet. 

XII. 

O 'twas an awkward and ridic'lous show. 

To see a long sack-muffled line of men, 
With hatless heads all peeping in a row 

Forth from the long smocks that their limbs contain ! 
For in the wide abyss of cloth below. 

Their legs are swallow'd and their stout arms twain j 
From chin to toe one shapeless lump they stand, 
In clumsy uniform, without leg, arm, or hand. 

XIII. 

And such their odd appearance was, and show 

Of human carcasses in sackcloth dight, 
As when the trav'Uer, when he haps to go 

Down to Grand Cairo in the Tifrk's despite, 
Sees in her chamber'd catacombs below 

Full many a mummy horribly upright, 
9 



88 ANSTER FAIR. 

A grisly row of grimly- garnish'd dead. 
That seem to pout, and scowl, and shake the brainless 
head. 

XIV. 

So queer and so grotesque to view they stood, 
All ready at the trump's expected sound. 

To take a spring of monstrous altitude. 
And scour with majesty of hop the ground : 

Yet not so soon the starting- blast ensued ; 
For, as they stand intent upon the bound, 

The hum'rous Monarch, eyeing their array 

Gave then his good advice before they rush'd away.~^ 

XV. 

" O friends ! since now your loins are girt, he cry'd, 

For journey perilous and full of toil. 
Behoves It you right cautiously to guide 

Your ticklish steps along such vexing soil ; 
For sorry is the road, and well supply'd 

With stumps and stumbling-blocks and pits of guile. 
And snares, and latent traps with earth bestown, 
To catch you by the heels, and bring you groaning dowo. 

XVI. 

" And wo betide, if unaware you hap 
Your body's well-adjusted poise to lose, 

For bloody bump and sorrowful sore slap 
Await your falling temple, brow, and nose j 



CANTO FOURTH. t 

And, when once down and fetter'd in a trap, 
Hard task 'twiil be to extricate your toes : 
So, lads, if you regard your nose's weal, 
Pray pick out stable steps, and tread with wary heel. 

XVII. 

*■'' And he that longest time without a fall 

Shall urge his sad perplexity of way, 
And leave beliiiafd ilis leiiow trav'liers all, 

Growling for help and grovelling on the clayj 
He, for his laudable exertions, shall 

Be pung the second victor oi the day : 
And so God speed you, sirs !" — The iVlonareh spoke, 
And on the surging air the trumpet's signal broke. 

XVIII. 

As when a thunderclap, preluding nigh 
A stonn, growls on the fiontiers of the west, 

Ere yet the cloud, siow toiling up the sky. 
Hath in its mass the mid-day sun supprest, 

Alarm'd the timid doves thai basking lie 
Upon their cot's slope suuny roof at rest, 

At once up-flutter in a sudden fray, 

And poise th' unsteady wing, and squir in air away r 

XIX. 

So started, as the herald gave the blast, 
At once the suitors in their sacks away, 



90 ANSTER FAIR. 

With gallant up-spring, notable and vast, 

A neck-endang'ring violent assay : 
Tlie solid earth, as up to sky they past, 

Push'd back, seeni'd to retire a little way; 
And, as they up-flew furious from the ground, 
The gash'd and wounded air whizz'd audibly a sound. 

XX. 

As ■when on summer eve a soaking rain 

Hatli after drought bedrench'd the tender grass, 

If chance, in pleasant walk along the plain, 

Brushing with foot the ^earl-hung blades you pass, 

A troop of frogs oft leaps from field of grain, 
MarshalI'd in line, a foul unseemly race, 

They halt a space, then vaulting up they fly, 

As if they long'd to sit on Iris' bow on high : 

XXI. 

So leap'd the men, half-sepulchred in sack, 
Up-swinging, with their shapes be-monstring sky, 

And cours'd in air a semicircle track, 
Like to the feath'ry-footed Mercury^ 

Till, spent their impetus, with sounding thwack 
Greeted their heels ttie green ground sturdily ; 

And some, descending, kept their balance well, 

XJnbalanc'd some came down, and boisterously fell. 



CANTO FOURTH. »l 



xxir. 



The greeted earth beneath the heavy thwackt 

Of feet that centripetal down alight, 
Of tincjling elbows, bruised loins and backs, 

Shakes passive, yet indignant of the weight j 
For, o'er her bosom, in their plaguy sacks, 

Cumbrously roll, (a mortifying sight !) 
WreckM burger, knight, and laird, and clown pellmell, 
J 'rostrate, in grievance hard, too terrible to tell. 

XXIII. 

And are they struggle at an effort strong 

To reinstate their feet upon the plain, 
Half elbowing, half-kneeing, sore and long 

Abortively, with bitter sweat and pain, 
Till, half upraisM, they to their forehead's wrong 

Go with a buffet rappipg down again, 
And sprawl and flounce, and wallow on their backs, 
Ciying aloud for help t* uncord their dolorous sacka. 

XXIV. 

Not id severer anguish of distregB 

The fabled giant under Etna lies, 
Though rocks and tree-proijd promontories press 

With vengeance fitting Jove his ruffian size ; 
Wallowing supine beneath the mountain's stress, 

Half-broil'd with brimstone ever hot, he fries, 

9* 



92 ANSTER FAIR. 

And, as he turns his vasty carcass o'er, 
Out-belches molten rocks, and groans a, hideous roar* 

XXV. 

In such vexatious plight the mortals He 
That founder'd on the threshold of the race, 

Where let us leave them, and lift up our eye 
To those that keep their feet, and hop apace.— 

Gramercy ! how they bounce it lustily, 
Maugre their misery of woven case ! 

How with their luggage scour they o'er the Loan, 

And toil, and moil, and strain, and sweat,^and lumber on. 

XXVI. 

strange thing it is that men so penn'd in clout, 
So wound with swaddling-clothes, should trip it so j 

See how with spring incomparably stout. 
Spurning the nasty earth, they upward go, 

As if they wish'd t' unsocket and knock out 
With poll the candles that i' the night-sky glow ! 

See how attain'd the zenith of their leap. 

Earthward they sink again with long-descending sweep ! 

XXVII. 

They halt not still ; again aloft they hop. 
As if they tread the rainbow's gilded bend, 

Again upon the quaking turf they drop. 
Lighting majestick on their proper end ; 



CANTO FOURTH. aS 

J ween, they do not make a moment's stop ; 

O who may now his precious time misspend ? 
'Tis bustling all and swelt'ring — but behold ! 
Swop ! there a jumper falls, aflat upon the mould. 

XXVIII. 

How can his gyved arms be forward thrust 
To break the downsway of his fall just now p 

Ah, 'tis his tender nose, alone that must 

In loving-kindness save from bump his brow ; 

His soft nose, to its site and duty just, 
Is martyr'd lo its loyalty, i trow. 

For, flatten'd into anguish by the clod, 

It weeps — see how it wteps — warm trickling tears of 
blood! 

XXIX. 

He bleeds, and from his nostril's double sluice 

Redly bedews the sod of Ansteii Loan, 
Till, in a puddle of his own heart's juice, 

He welt'ring writhes with lamentable moan, 
And sends his sack in curses to the deuce, 

Banning the l^our when fii'st he put it on : 
Meanwhile, o'erlabour'd in their hobbling pother, 
Douse, drops a second down, and whap ! there sinks 
another ! 

XXX. 

Wearied, half-bursten with their hot turmoil. 
Their lungs, like Vulcan's bellows panting strong, 



94 ANSTER FAIR. 

PowMess to stand, or prosecute their toil, 

Successively they souse and roll along, 
Till, round and round, the carcass-cumber'd soil 

Is strewn with havock of the jumping throng, 
That make a vain endeavour off to shuffle 
The cruel sackcloth coil, that does their persons muffle, 

XXXI. 

All in despair have sunt, save yonder twx) 
That still their perpendic'Iar posture keep, 

The only remnant of the jumping crew, 
That urge their emulous persisting leap ; 

Oddspittkins ! how with poise exactly true 
Clean forward to the riband'd pole they sweep; 

I cannot say that one is 'fore the other, 

So equal side by side they plod near one another. 

XXXII. 

The pole is gained, and to the glorious sun 
They turn their sweaty faces round again j 

With inextinguishable rage to run, 
Southward unflagging and unquell'd they strain. 

What? — Is not yonder face, where young-ey'd Fua 
And Laughter seera enthron'd to hold tlieir reign. 

One seen before — ev'n Rob the Bord'rer's phiz t — 

Aye, now I ken it well, by 'r lakin it is liis I 



CANTO FOURTH. 96 



x:^xiii. 

Haste, haste ye, Rob, half-hop, half-run, half-fly, 
Wriggle and wrestle in thy bag's despite ; 

So ! shoot like cannon-bullet to the sky ; 
So ! — stably down upon thy soles alight ; 

Up, up again, and fling it gallantly ! — 

Well-flung, my Rob, thou art a clever wight j 

'Sblood, now thy rival is a step before ; 

String, string thy sinews up, and jump three yards and 
more! 

XXXIV: 

'Tis done— but who is he that at thy side 

Thy rival vigorously marches so ? 
Declare, O muse, since thou art eagle-ey'd, 

And thine it is, ev'n at a glance, to know 
Each son of mortal man, though mumm'd and tyM 

In long disguising sack from chin to toe ! 
" He, boy, that marches in such clumsy state, 
Is old Edina's child, a waggish Advocate : 

XXXV. 

" For he too has for Maggie Lauder dar'd 
To prove the mettle of his heel and sliin, 

A jolly wight, who trickishly prepar'd 
A treach'rous sack to scarf his body in ; 

A sack, whose bottom was with damp impaic'd, 
Fusty, half- rotten, mouldy, frail, and thin, 



6 ANSTER FAIR. 

That he, unseen, might in the race's pother. 

Thrust out one helpful leg, and keep incag'd its brotlu 

XXXVI. 

" And seest thou not his right leg peeping out, 
Enfranchised, traitorously to help his gait, 

Whilst th* other, still imprison'd in its clout, 
Tardily follows its more active mate?" 

I see it well — 'tis treachery, no doubt ; 
Beshrew thee now, thou crafty Advocate ! 

Unfair, unfair ! 'tis quite unfair, I say, 

Thus with illicit leg to prop thy perilous way [ 

XXXVII. 

Half-free, half-clogg'd, he steals his quick advance, 
Wearing at each unlicens'd step the base. 

While honest Robert plies the hardier dance, 
Most faithful to his sack and to the race ; 

Now for it, Rob — another jump — but once — 
And overjump'd is all th' allotted space ; — 

By Jove, they both have reach'd the base together, 

Gain'd is the starting-line, yet gain'd the lace hath 
neither ! 

' XXXVIII. 

At once they bend each man his body's frame 
Into a bow, before the King and Mag ; 

At once they ope their lips to double-claim 
The race's palm, (for now Auid Reekie's wag. 



CANTO FOURTH. 97 

As snail draws in its horn, had, fy for shame ! 

Drawn his dishonest leg into his bag j ) 
At once they plead the merits of their running, 
Good R.OB with proofs of foree, the wag with' quips and 
punning. 

XXXIX. 

Me lists not now to variegate ray song 
With all his sophistry and quip and pun ; 

O *twould be tiresome, profitless, and long, 
To quote his futile arguments air-span, 

His oraiorick tricks that dress the wrong 
In garb of right, his gybes of naughty fun, 

Quiddits and quillits that may well confound one, 

And make a rotten sack appear a goodly sound one { 

XL. 

But Robert to the people's sight appeal'd, 
And to the eyes of royal James, and Mag, 

Who saw his rival's foot too plain reveal'd, 
And impudently peering from its bag : 

He said 'twas roguish thus to come a-field 
With such a paltry hypocritick rag ; 

The very hole, through wliich his foot was thrust. 

Gapes evidence to prove his claim was quite unjust, 

XLI. 

fjOiig was the plea, and longer h has been. 
Had not the populace begun aloud 



98 ANSTER FAIR. 

T' express with clanaour their resentment keen 
At him who quibbled in his rotten shroud \ 

A thousand hands, uplifted high, were seen 
Over the hats and bonnets of the crowd, 

With paly hens' eggs tliat their fingers clench, 

To hurl upon his sack conviction, slime, and stench .. 

XLII. 

Wliich, when he saw all white upheld to view. 

Ready to rattle shame about his ears, 
He straightway the perplexing claim withdrew, 

Urg'd to resign by his judicious fears j 
For had he but one minute stay'd or two, 

He, for his subtilties, and quirks, and jeers, 
Had reap'd a poor and pitiful reward, 
And smell'd from head to fool — but not with Syrian, 
nard. 

XLIII. 

The Monarch, then, well pleas'd that thus the mob 
Had settled with prejudging voice the case, 

Orders his trumpeter to blazon Rob, 
Again the winner of the second race: 

The fellow blew each cheek into a globe. 
And puff M into deformity his face, 

As to the top of heaven's empyreal frame 

He, in a storm of breath, sent up the conqu'ror's nanWi- 



CANTO FOURTH. f9 



XLIV. 

His name the rabble took ; from tongue to tongue 

Bandi'd it flew like fiery-winged shot, 
That the blue atmosphere around them rung 

With the blabb'd honours of great Robert Scott j 
IVor when they thus his triumph stoutly sung, 

Were the race founder 'd gentlemen forgot, 
That in their trammels still a floutid'riiig lay, 
And, had they not been rais'd, had lain there to this day. 

XLV. 

But soon up-rear'd they were : the lads, that late 
Had help'd their uncouth livery to don, 

Now step upon the green compassionate, 
To free them from the house of dole and moan : 

The cords, that on their necks were knotted straight. 
Are loos'd, and as they lie extended prone. 

Of their long scabbards are discas'd the men. 

And stand upon their feet, uncloggM, and free agen. 

XLVI. 

They take no time, (such shame the vanquish'd, stung,) 
Each to snatch up his bag and bring it off; 

Away they start, and plunge amid the throng, 
Glad their embarrassment of cloth to dofF; 

(So shoots the serpent to the brakte along, 
And leaves to rot his cast despised slough j) 
10 



100 ANSTER FAIR. 

Deep in the throng with elbows sharp they bore, 
And fear contemptuous laugh and hateful egg no more. 

XLVII. 

But now the sun, in mid-day's gorgeous state, 

Tow'rs on the summit of the lucid sky, 
And human stomachs that were cramm'd of late, 

Now empty, send their silent dinner-cry, 
Demanding something wherewithal to sate 

Their hunger, bread and beer, or penny-pie : 
The crowd, obedient to the belly's call, 
Begin to munch, and eat, and nibble one and all. 

XLVIII. 

Some from their pockets, or their wallets, drew 
Lumps of the roasted flesh of calf or lamb; 

Some ply their teeth-arm'd grinding jaws to chew 
The tougher slices of the thirsty ham ; 

Others with bits of green cheese nice and new 
Ev'n to the throat their clownish bellies cram. 

While horns of ale, from many a barrel fill'd. 

Foam white with frothy rage, and soon are swigg'd and 
swill'd. 

XLIX. 

James, too, and Mag, and all the courtly train 
Of lords and ladies round them not a few. 

With sugar'd biscuits sooth'd their stomachs pain, 
For courtly stomachs must be humour'd too; 



CANTO FOURTH. 101 

And from their throats to wash the dusty stain 

That they had breath'd when from the sacks it flew, 
A glass of wine they sUppM wiuiiu their clay, 
And if they swallow M twain, the wiser folk were they. 

L. 

Nor ceas'd the business of the day mean while ; 

For as the Monarch chew'd his sav'iy cake. 
The man, whose lungs sustain the trumpet's toil, 

Made haste again his noisy tube to take, 
And with a cry, which, heard full many a mile, 

Caus'd the young crows on Airdrie's trees to quake, 
He bade the suitor-pipers to draw nigh. 
That they might, found the knoll, their powers of piping 
try. 

LI. 

Which, when the rabble heard, with sudden sound 
They broke their circle's huge circumference. 

And, crushing foi ward to the southern mound. 
They push'd their many-headed shoal immense, 

Diffusing to an equal depth around 
Their mass of bodies wedg'd compact and dense, 

That, standing nigher, they might better -hear 

The pipers squeaking loud to charm Miss Maggie's ear, 

LII. 

And soon the pipers, shouldering along 
1 krough the close mob their equeeii'd uneasy way,, 



102 ANSTER FAIR. 

Stood at the hillock's foot, an eager throng, 
Each asking license from tlie Kins; to play ; 

For with a tempest, turbulent and strong, 
Labour'd their bags impatient of delay, 

Heaving their bloated globes nutragiously. 

As if in pangs to give their contents to the sk.v. 

LIII. 

And every bag, thus full and tempest-ripe, 
Beneath its arm lay ready to be prest, 

And on the holes of each fair-polish'd pipe, 

Each piper's fingers long and white were plac'd : 

Fiercely they burn'd in jealous rivalship ; 
Each madding piper scotf'd at all the rest, 

And fleei'd and toss'd contemptuously his head. 

As if his skill alone deserv'd fair Maggie's bed. 

LIV. 

Nor could they wait, so piping-mad they were, 
Till James gave each man orders to begin j 

But in a moment they displode their air 
In one tumultuous and unlicens'd din ; 

Out flies, in storm of simultaneous blare. 

The whizzing wind comprest their bags within, 

And whiffling through the wooden tubes so small, 

firowls gladness to be freed frorasnch confinino; thrall. 



CANTO FOURTH. im 



LV. 

Then rose, in burst of hideous symphony, 
Of pibrochs and of tunes one mingled roar j 

Discordantly the pipes squeal'd sharp and high^ 
The drones alone in solemn concord snore ; 

Five hundred fin^^ers, twinkling funnily, 
Play twiddling up and down on hole and bore, 

Now passage to the sbrilly wind denying, 

And now a little raisM to let it out a-sighing. 

LVI. 

Then rung the rocks and caves of Billynegs, 
Reverberating back that concert's sound; 

And half the lurking Echoes that possess 
The glenp and hollows of tlie Fifan ground , 

Their shadowy voices strain'd into excess 
Of out-cry, loud huzzaing round and round 

To all the Dryads of Pitkirie wood, 

That now they round their trees should dance in frisky 
mood. 

LVII. 

As when the sportsman with report of gun, 

Alarms the sea-fowl of the Isle of May, 
Ten thousand mews and gulls that shade the sun 

Come flapping down in terrible dismay, 
And with a wild and barb'rous concert stun 

His ears, and scream, and shriek, and wheel away ; 
10* 



104 ANSTER FAIR. 

Scarce can the boatman hear his plashing oar; 

Yell caves and eyries all, and rings each Maian shoie. 

LVIII. 

Just so around the Knoll did pipe and drone 
Whistle and hum a discord strange to hear, 

Tort'ring with violence of shriek and groan, 
Kingly, and courtly, and plebeian ear ; 

And still the men had humra'd and whistled on, 
Ev'n till each bag had burst its bloated sphere, 

Had not the King, uprising, wav'd his hand, 

And check'd the boist'rous din of such unmanner'd band. 

LIX. 

On one side of his face a laugh was seen, , 
On t'other side a half-form'd frown lay hid j 

He frown'd, because they petulantly keen. 
Set up their piping forward and unhid : 

He laugh'd, for who could have controll'd his mien, 
Hearing such crash of pibrochs as lie did ? 

He bade them orderly tlie strife begin. 

And piay each man the tune wherewith the fair he'd win.- 

LX. 

Whereat the pipers eeas'd their idle toil 

Of windy musick wild and deafening. 
And made too late (what tliey forgot e'erwhile) 
» A gea'ral bow to Maggie and their King ; 



CANTO FOURTH. i05 

But as they vail'd their bare heads tow'r d the soil, 

O then there happM a strange portentous thing, 
Which had not good my Muse conOrni'd for true, 
Myself had not beiiev'd, far less have told to you. 

LXI. 

For lo ! whilst all their bodies yet were bent. 
Breaks from the spotless blue of caster sky 

A globe of fire, (miraculous ostent!) 

Bursten from some celestial cleft on high j 

And thrice in circle round the firmament 
Trail'd its long light the gleamy prodigy, 

Till on the ring of pipero down it came. 

And set tiieir pipes, and drones, and chanters in a flanje, 

LXII. 

'Twas quick and sudden as th' electiick shock ; 

One moment lighted and consum'd them all ; 
As is tlie green hair of the tufted oak 

Scath'd into blackness by the fulmin'd ball ; 
Or, spark-kindled, into fire and smoke, 

Flashes and fumes the nitrous grain so small, 
60 wereAjtheir bagpipes, in a twink, like tinder 
Fir'd underneath their arms, and burn'd into a cinder. 

LXflL 

Yet so innocuous was the gky-fall'n flame, 
That, save Ihek twangling instruments alone, 



106 . ANSTER FAIR. 

Unsing'd their other g?ar remaui'd the same, 
Ev'n to the nap that stuck their co^ts upon j 

Nor did they feel its heat, when down it came 
On errand, to destroy pipe, bag, and drctie j 

But stood in blank surprise, when to the ground 

Dropt down in ashes-sack their furniture of sound. 

LXIV. 

Crest-fall'n they stood, confounded and distrest, 
And fix'd upon the turf their stupid look, 

Conscious ihat Ileav'n forbade them to contest 
By such a burning token of rebuke. 

The rabble, too, its great alarm confest. 
For every face the ruddy blood forsook. 

As with their white, uprolling, ghastly eyes 

They spy'd the streaky light wheel whizzing from the 
skies. 

LXV. 

And still they to that spot of orient Heav'n, 
Whence burst the shining globe, look iJp aghast, 

Exp^'cting, when th' empyreal pavement riven, 
A secoud splendour to the earth should cast ; 

But when they saw no repetition given, 
Chang'd from alarm to noisy joy at last, 

They set up such a mix'd tieinendous shout, 

AtS made the girdling heav'ns to bellow round about. 



CANTO FOUIITII. 107 



LXVI. 

.And such a crack and peal of laughter rose, 
When the poor Pipers bagpipe-less they saw. 

As when a flock of jetty-feather'd crows, 
On winter morning when the skies are raw, 

Come from their woods in long and sooty rows, 
And over Anster through their hoarse throats caw j 

The sleepy old wives, on their warm chaff-beds, 

Up fromlheir bolsters rear, afear'd, their flaunel'd heads. 

LXVII. 

Then did th' affronted Pipers slink away, 
With faces fix'd on earth for very shame ; 

For not oae remnant of tliose pipes had tliey 
Wherewith they late so arrogantly came j 

But in a black and ashy ruin lay 

Their glory mouldcr'd by the scathing flame ; 

Yet in their hearts they curs'd, (and what the wonder ?) 

Thai fire to which their pipes so tjuick were giv'n a plun- 
der. 

LXVIII. 

And scarce they off had slunk, when with a bound 
Great RowERr Scott sprung foith before the King; 

For he alone, wlien all the Pipers round \ 

Stood ranp-'d into their fire-devoted ring, 

Had kept snug distance from the fated ground, 
As if f6rewarn'd of that portentous thing; 



108 ANSTER FAIR, 

He stood and laugh'd, as underneath his arm 

He held his bagpipe safe, unscath'd with fiery hariB^ 

LXIX. 

His hollow drone, with mouth wide-gaping, lay 
Over his shoulder pointing to the sky, 

Ready to spue its breath, and puff away 
The lazy silver clouds that sit on high : 

His bag swell'd madly to begin the play. 
And with its bowel-wind grgan'd inwardly f 

Not higher heavM the wind-bags, which of yore 

Ulysses got from him who rul'd th' Moiian shore. 

LXX. 

He thus the King with reverence bespoke : 

" My liege, since Heav'n with bagpipe-levell'd fire 

Hath turn'd ray Brethren's gear to dust and smoke, 
A.nd testify'd too glaringly its ire, 

It fits me now, as yet my bagpipe's poke 
Remains unsing'd, and eveiy pipe entire, 

To play my tune — O King, with your good will — 

And to the royal ear to prove my piping skill." 

LXXL 

Nodded his liege assent, and straightway bade 
Him stand a-top o' th' hillock at his side; 

A-top he stood ; aud first a bow he made 
To all the crowd tnat shouted far and wide ; 



©ANTO FOURTH. im 

Then, like a Piper dext'rous at his trade, 
His pipes to play adjusted and apply'd ; 
Each finger rested on its proper bore j 
His arm appear'd half-rais'd to wake the bag's uproar, 

LXXII. 

Apspace he silent stood, and cast his eye 

In meditation upwards to the pole, 
As ifhe psay'dsome fairy pow'r in sky 

To guide his fingers right o'er bore and hole ; 
Then pressing down his arm, he gracefully 

Awaked the merry bagpipe's slumb'ring soul, 
And pip'd and blew, and play'd so sweet a tune, 
As might have well uuspher'd the reeling midnight mooB. 

LXXIIL 

His ev'ry finger, to its place assign'd, 
Mov'd quiv'ring like the leaf of aspen tree, 

Now shutting up the skittish squeaking wind, 
Now op'ning to the musick passage free j 

His cheeks, with windy puffs therein confin'd,. 
Were swoll'n into a red rotundity. 

As from his lungs into the bag was blown 

Supply of needful air to feed the growling drone. 

LXXIV, 

And such a potent tune did never greet 
The drum of human ear with lively strain j 



lia ANSTER FAIR. 

So merry that from dancing on his feet 
/ No man ondeaf could stock ishly refrain ; 
So loud, twas heard a dozen miles complete, 

Making old Echo pipe and hum again, 
So Rweet, that all the hirds in the air that fl.V. 
Charm'd into new delight, come sailing through the sky 

LXXV. 

Crow, sparrow, linnet, hawk, and white-wing'd dove, 
Wheel'd in aerial jigg o'er Anster loan ; 

The sea mews from each Maian cleft and cove 
O'er the deep sea come pinion-wafted on ; 

The light-detesting hats now flap above, 

Scaring the sun with wings to day unknown, 

Ronnd Robert's head they dance, they cry, they sing, 

And shear the subtle sky with broad and playful wing. 

LXXVI. 

And eke the mermaids that in ocean swim, 
Drawn by that musick from their shelly cares, 

Peep now unbashful from the salt-sea brim, 
And flounce and plash exulting in the waves ; 

They spread at large the white and floating limb, 
That Neptune amorously clips and laves. 

And keen with combs of pearl and coral fair 

Their long dark oozy locks of green redundant hair. 



eANTO FOURTH. HI 



LXXVII. 

]Sor was its influence less on human ear ; 

First from their gilded chairs upstart at once 
The royal James and Maggie seated near, ; 

Enthnsia'stick botfi and mad to dance : { 
Her hand lie snatcli'd and look'd a merry leerA 

Then caperM' high in wild exti-av^gance, ^ 
AniUon th« grassy summit of the knoll, 
Wagg'd each monaTchial leg in galliard strange aocl 
droU'. 

LXXVIII. 

As when a san-beam, from the waving face 
Of well filled waterpail reflected bright, 

Varies upon the chamber-walls its place, 

And, quiv'ring-, tries to cheat and foil tlie sight; 

So quick did Maggie, with a nimble grace. 
Skip patt'ring to and'fro, alert and light. 

And, with her noble colleague in the reel. 

Haughtily heav'd her ai*ms, and shook the glancing heej. 

LXXIX. 

,-The Lords and Ladies next who sat or stood 

Near to the piper and the King around, 
Smitten with that contagious dancing mood, 

'Gan hand in hand in high lavolt to bound. 
And jiggM it on as featly as they could, 

Girding in sheeny rows the rising groun^^ 

11 



112 ANSTER FAIR. 

Each swordcd Lord a Lady's soft palm griping, 
And to his mettle rous'd at such unwonted piping, 

LXXX; 

Then did th' infectious hopping inania seize 
The circles of the crowd that stood more near, 

Till, round and round, far spreading by degrees, 
It madden'd all the loan to kick and rear j 

Men, women, children, lilt, and ramp, and squeeze, 
Such fascination takes the gen'ral ear ! 

Ev'n babes, that at their mothers' bosoms hung. 

Their little willing limbs, fantastically flung. 

LXXXI. 

And hoar-hair'd men and wives, whose marrow age 
Hath from their hollow bones suck'd out and drunk, 

Canary in unconscionable rage, 

Wor feel their sinews wither'd now and shrunk j 

Pellmell in random couples they engage, 
And boisterously wag feet, arras, and trunk, 

As if they strove, in capering so brisk. 

To heave their aged knees up to the solar disk, 

LXXXII. 

And cripples from beneath their shoulders fling 

Their despicable crutches far away. 
Then, yok'd with those of stouter limbs, upspring 

In hobbling merriment, uncouthly gay j 



CANTO FOURTH. 113 

And some on one leg stand y-gambolling; 

For wiiy ? The other short and frail had tliey } 
iSome, wliose both legs distorted were and weak, 
'Dance on their poor knee-pans in mad prepost'rous freak. 

Lxxxin. 

So on they trip, King, Maggie, Knight, and Earl, 

Green-coated courtier, satin-snooded dame, 
OW men and maidens, man, wife, boy, and girl, 
I The stiff, the supple, bandy-legg'd, and lame. 
All suck'd and rapt into the dance's whirl, 

Inevitably witch'd within the same ; 
Whilst Rob, far-seen, o'erlooks the huddling loan, 
Rejoicing in his pipes, and squeals serenely on. 

LXXXIV. 

But such a whirling and a din there was, 
Of bodies and of feet that lieel'd the ground, 

As when the Maelstrom in his craggy jaws 
Engluts the Norway waves vvith hideous sound ; 

In vain the black sea-monster plies his j^aws 
'Gainst the strong eddy tiiat impels him round j 

Rark'd and convuls'd, th' ingorging surges roar, 

And fret their frothy wrath, and reel from shore to shore. 

LXXXV. 

f?o reel the mob, and with their feet up-cast. 
From the trarap'd soil a dry and dusty cloud, 



114 ANSTER FAIR. 

That sliades the huddling hurly-burly vast 
From the warm sun as with an earthy shroud ^ 

Else, had the warm sun spy'd them wriggling fast, 
He sure had laugh'd at s'jch bewitched crowd, 

For never, since heaven's baldrick first he trod, 

Tripp'd was such country dance beneath his fiery roa5. 

LXXXVI. 

Then was the shepherd, that on Largolaw 

Sat idly wiiistling to his feeding flock, 
Dismay M, when looking south-eastward he saw 

The dusty cloud more black than furnace-smoke^ 
He lean'd his ear, and catch'd with trembling awe 

The dance's sounds that th' ambient ether brdke; 
He bless'd himself, and ciy'd, " By sweet St. John ! 
The devil hath got a job in Anster's dirty loan.'* 

LXXXVII; 

At length the mighty Piper, honest Rob, 

Hif wonder-working melody gave o'er, 
When on a sudden all the flouncing mob 

Their high commotion ceas'd and toss'd no more j 
Trunk, arm, and leg, forgot to shake and bob, 

That bobb'd and shak'd so parlously before j 
On ground, fatigu'd, the panting dancers fall, 
Wond'ring what witch's craft had thus embroil'd them 
all. 



CANTO FOURTH. un 



LXXXVIII. 

And some ery'd out, that o'er the Piper's head 

They had observ'd a little female fay, 
Clad in green gown, and purple-striped plaid, 

That fed his wind-bag, aidant of the play j 
Some, impotent to speak, and almost dead 

With jumping, as on earth they sat or lay, 
Wip*d from their brows, with napkin, plaid, or gown. 
The globes of shining sweat that ooze and trickle 
down. 

LXXXIX. 

Nor less with jigg o'erlabour'd and o'erwronght, 
Down on their chairs dropt Maggie and tiie King, 

Amaz'd what supemat'ral spell had caught 
And forc'd their heels into such frolicking ; 

And much was Mag astonish'd, when she thought 
(As sure it was an odd perplexing thing) 

That Robkht's tune was to her ear the same 

As what Tom Puck late play'd, when from her pot he 
came. 

xc. 

But from that hour, the Monarch and the mob 
Gave Maggi e Lauder's name to Robert's tune, 

And so shall it be call'd, while o'er the globe 
Travels the waning and the crescent moon. 
11* 



J 16 ANSTEU FAIR 

And from that hour the puissant Piper Rob, 
Whose bagpipe wak'd so hot a rigadoon, 
Prom his well-iYianag'd bag, and drone, and chanter, 
Obtaia'd the glorious name of Mighty Rob the Ranter 



ANSTER FAIR. 

CANTO V. 



ANSTER FAIR. 



CANTO V. 



1. 

\) ran that pondVoiw brooinBticIc, whur^on rode 
Grim Beattie Laing, * IiophM daringly uubiime ! 
iBo wfXild 1 fly abovji tluy solar road, 

To where the Mubbs Hit on high and chime ; 
Eigli ! I would kitiM tliern in tlieir bright abrxle, 
And from their lipw auck Poetry and Rluuu; ; 
Till Jove (if Hoch ray boldncHs should displease hin») 
Cry, "Fy, thou naughty boy ! pack oif and «oouat thy 
bew)m." 

11. 

It needed not that with a third exclaim, 
King JAMBS^a trumpeter aloud should cry 

• Tlif; famoui witch of P»tluiw«wi. St* Saian*i Imiaihk World 



120 ANSTER FAIR. 

Through his long alchemy, the famous name 

Of hira who, piping, got the victory ; 
For, sooth to tell, nran, boy, and girl, and dame, 

Him the great Priuce of Pipers testify, 
J(Jot with huzzas and jabbering of tongues, 
But with hard-puffing breasts and dance-o'er-wearyN 
lungs. 

III. 

And truly had the crier will'd to shout 
The doughty Piper's name through polish'd trump, 

His breath had not sufficM to twang it out, 

So did the poor man's lights puff, pant, and jump •- 

Wherefore to rest ihem from that dancing-bout, 
A while they sat or lay on back or rump, 

Gulping with open mouths and nostrils wide 

The pure refreshing waves of Jove's aerial tide. 

IV. 

But, unfatigued, upon the hillockrs crown 

Stood Rob, as if his lungs had spent no breath, 

And look'd with conscious exultation down 
Upon the dance's havock wide beneath, 

Laughing to see th' encumbev'd plain bestrewn 
With people whirl'd and wriggled nigh to death j 

Ere long he thus addrest, with reverent air, 

The King that, breathless yet, sat pufling in his chair. 



l?ANTO FIFTH. 121 



*' My Liege I though well 1 now with triple claim 
The guerdon of my tlireefoJd toils may ask, 

As independent of success i'the game 
Of jingling words, the ballad maker's task j 

Yet, as I too with honourable aim 

Have tapp'd Apollo's rhime-o'er-flowing cask, 

Allow me, good ray King ! to ope my budget. 

And tell my witty tale, that you and Mag may judge it.' ' 

VI 

Whereto his breathless King made slow reply j 
(He drew a gulp of air each word between,) 

" Great- Piper .'—Mighty— Rob !~Belov'd— of sky ! 
O prov'd— too well thy— piping-craft— has been ; 

Witness my lungs— that play so puff— ingly, 
And witness yonder— laughter- moving scene ! 

I'm pincli'd for wind— Ha, ha!— scarce breath I draw— 

Pardi !— a sight like yon my Kingship never saw !" 

VII. 

" Woes me ! how sweating in prostration vast, 
Men, wives, boys, maidens, lie in dust bestrown, 

Gaping for respiration, gasping fast. 
Half my liege subjects wreck'd on Anster loan ! 

'Twill need, methinks, a hideous trumpet- blast, 
To rouse them from thus grov'lling basely prone ; 



122 ANSTER FAIR. 

For such effort my man's lungs yet are frail ; 
Rob, tal 
tale."— 



it 

So, Rob, take thou his trump and rouse them for th; " 



VIII. 

He spake,— and at the hint, the Ranter took 
The throated metal from the Herald's hand, 

And blew a rousing clangour, wherewith shook 
Green sea, and azure sky, and cloudy land : 

Up-strung, as from a trance, with startled look, 
The prostrate people, and erected stand, 

Turning their faces to the knap of ground. 

Whence burst upon their ears the loud assaulting soum 

IX. 

Then, crowding nearer in a vasty shoal, 

They press their sum of carcasses more close. 

Till crush'd, and cramm'd, and straiten'd round the km 
They rear and poise their bodies on their toes : 

So were they pack'd and mortis*d, that the whole 
Seem'd but one lump incorp'rate to compose j 

One mass of human trunks unmov'd they show, 

ToppM with ten thousand heads all moving to and fro 

X. 

And from the tongues of all those heads there rose 
A confus'd murmur through the multitude. 

As when the merry gale of summer blows 
Upon the tall tops of a stately wood, 






CANTO FIFTH. 123 

And rocks the long consociated boughs, 

Ru3tli«g amid the leaves a discord rude; 
High perch'd aloft the cuckoo rides unseen, 
fimbower'd with plenteous shades, and tufts of noddiug 
green. 

XT. 

Then wav'd the Ranter round and round his hand. 
Commanding them to still their hubbub loud : 

All in a moment, still and noiseless, stand 
Tlie^ideiy-circumfusM and heaving crowd, 

A.S if upon their gums at Rob';-; command 
Were pian'd those tongues that jabber'd late 30 proud j 

Tow'rds him, as to th^ir centre, every ear 

Inclines its mazy hole, th' expected tale to hear. 

XII. 

But when the Ranter from his height beheld 
The silent world of heads difTus'd below. 

With all tlieir ears agape, his visage swellM, 
And burn'd with honest Laughter's ruddy glow j 

For who had not from Gravity rebeil'd, 
Girt with infinitude of noddles so ? 

He soon into composure starch'd his phiz, 

And op'd his fluent mouth, and told bis tale, which is— 

XIII. 

" Where Thirdpart-house upon the level plain 
Rears up its sooty chimneys high in air, 
12 



124 ANSTER FAIR. 

There liv'd of old, in Alexander's reign, 
Miss Susan Scott, a lady young and fair, 

Who sith tliat death her parents both had ta'en. 
Sole child, their coffers and their fields did heir, — 

Their fields, that wav'd with Ceres' green array, 

Their coffers, gorg'd with gold, where Mammon prisoa*d 
lay. 

XIV. 

Her form was beauteous as the budding Springs, 
Shap'd by the mother of almighty Lovej 

Her soul was but a sorry paltry thing, 
As e'er was quicken'd by the breath of Jove:: 

Her person might have pleas'd a crowned King^. 
Or shone a Dryad in her Thirdpart grove j 

Her soul, her silly soul, alas, to tell ! 

Was as a rotten egg inclos'd i» golden shell. 

XV. 

All day she, sitting at her window, cast 
O'er her estate a proud and greedy eye ; 

Now measuring her fields, how broad, how vast. 
How valuably rich they sunning lie ; 

Now summing up the bolls that in the blast 
Wave yet unshorn, obnoxious to the sky, 

And counting, avariciously, what more 

Of gold th' unsiekled crop would add unto her store-- 



CANTO FIFTH. 125 



XVI. 

But when the grim and hooded Night let fal! 

O'er Thirdpart's smoky roofs her ugly shade, 
She hasten'd from her candle-lighten'd hall 

To where her darling cofFer'd god was laid, 
And freeing him with key from box's thrall, 

On floor the gaudy deity display'd, 
And with a miser's fumbling palm'd each toy. 
And tiss'd bare Mammon's limbs, and laugh'd in silly 
joy. 

XVII. 

With her resided that fam'd wizard old. 
Her uncle and her guardian, Michael ScotT^ 

Who there, in Satan's arts malignly bold. 
His books of dev'lish efficacy wrote ; 

And, lackey'd round (tremendous to be told !) 
With demons hung with tails like shaggy goat, 

Employ'd their ministrations damn'd, to ring 

Madrid's resounding bells, and fright the Spanish King. 

XVIII. 

Fit guardian he for such a peevish wai'd : 

He check'd not her perversity of soul. 
But, hell's pernicious logick studying^hard, 

Gave up the lady to her own control : 
Thus fost'ring, by his foolish disregard, 

The cauk'ring vice that o'er her spirit stole : 



126 ANSTER FAIR. 

Captions and proud she was, and fond of stnfe, 
The pertest, prettiest jade of all tlie girls of Fife. 

XIX. 

Yet not the less her beauty's wafted farae 
A mob of suitors to her mansion drew ; 

Her face had charms to lure them and inflame, 
Her dow'r had mickle fascination too : 

On cap 'ring steeds from all the county came 
Fife's sparkish lairds, all resolute to woo, 

A.nd win, with courtship's sly assiduous art, 

Fair Susan's worthy dow'r, and pettish worthless heart.- 

XX. 

So numerous were her lovers, that, in troth, 
I scarce by name can reckon up them all ; 

Ardross and Largo, gallant fellows both, 
PiTcoRTHiB, and Rankeilor, and, Newhall, 

And IS FWARK, with his coat of scarlet cloth. 
And short Stravitiiy, and Rathillet tall, 

And proud Balcomie with his tassel'd hat. 

And GiBLiSTON the lean, and Sauchop round and fat. 

XXI. 

All these, and many more love-pining men, 
She flouted from her chamber scornfully ; 

To one alone sheus'd not such disd rii). 
The goodly CnARtEY Melvh, of Carnbee ; 



CANTO FIFTH. 127 

For he, the singly cunning of the train, 

Enforc'd with costly gifts his ani'rous plea. 
And brib'd her dull affections icy-cold, 
With jewell'd gairish rings, and knacks of labour'd gold, 

XXII. 

For ev'ry time he snatch'd her downy fist, 
With its soft warmth to paddle and to play. 

He hung a bracelet on her iv'ry wrist, 
A'golden bracelet like a sunbeam gayj 

And when her lip he rapturously kist, 
(A kiss she ne'er refus'd for such a pay,) 

He dropt upon her white neck from his hand 

A tangled chain of gold, worth many a rood of land,. 

XXIII. 

Till of his trinkets so profuse he grew, 

That soon exhausted was his purse's store, 

And half his lands were in a month or two 
Mortgag'd for money to procure her more; 

Yet ne'er could he prevail on froward Sue, 

Though ne'er he ceas'd t' importune and impbre, 

T* appoint the long-retarded marriage-day, 

And cure his love, and give her promis'd hand £jway. 

XXIV. / 

One summer eve, as in delightful walk, I 

Handed, they past down Thirdpart's avenue 
12 * 



128 ANSTER FAIR. 

And, in a lightsome interchange of talk, 
Whin'd out their loves as lovers use to do, 

Whilst ev'ry hairy hush upon his stalk 
Nodded for joy around them wliere it grew, 

Charles took advantage of the lovely hour, 

Again t' impress his suit with tongue's glib wordy 
power. — 

XXV. 

* O my S^ sweet Susan ! sweet my Susan O ! — 
^Here beat the poor laird his afflicted breast,) 

Cast round thine eye, that eye that witclies so, 
On God's wide world in beauty's garment drest, 

On yender many-listed clouds that glow 

Heaven's tapestry curtaining the blazing west, 

On yonder setting rays up-shot on high, 
. Like tiny wires of gold aslant the gorgeous sky. 

XXVI. 

Look how the bushy top of ev'ry tree 
Is mantled o'er with Evening's borrowM sheen. 

And seems to wag and wave more boastfully 
To U\e sweet breeze its leafy wig of green ; 

Each kerb, and flower, and whin, and bush, we eee^ 
Laughs jocund in creation's richest scene, 

Whilst earth reflects on heav'n, and heav'n on eartl*T 

Of God'e created things tlie beauty and the mirth 



CANTO FIFTH. 1^9 



XXVII. 

All these are passing lovely to the viow, 

But lovelier, tenfold lovelier are to me, 
Thy form and countenance, my bonny Sue ! 

Creation's beanties ail are summ'd in thee ; 
Thine eye out-lustres heaven's most lucid blue; 

Thy cheek out- blooms eaith's bloomiest flower an^l 
tree ; 
And Evening's gaudy clouds, that paint the air, 
Arefripp'ry to the locks of thy long golden hair ! 

XXVIII. 

Then hey ! n)y sweeting, when shall come the day 
Ordain'd to give me such transcendent charms f 

Still must I pine and fret at thy delay, 
Capriciously forbidden from thy arms, 

And, like a pair of bellows, puff away 
My sighs, and swelter in hot Cupid's harms !' — 

For heaven's sake, Susan, on my case have pity, 

And (ix our vTcddingday, my chick, my dear, my 
pretty !'— 

XXIX. 

This said, he, .(^aKing on her saucy eyr, 
Foi'cslalls the angry answer of her tongue ; 

IV hen hark ! a sound of rusiiing, wildly high, 
h heard the trees adjoining from among, 

As if a whirlwind, bursting from the sky, 
Their tops on one another sore had swung j 



130 ANSTER FAIR. 

And lo ! out-springs in maddest pitch of wrath, 
Pitgorthie's biggest bull upon their peaceful path. 

XXX. 

' Fly, fly, my love !' the gen'ious Melvil said, 
And interpos'd to meet the monster's shock ; 

For fiercely rush'd he on th' endanger'd maid, 
Mad at the glaring of her scarlet frock : 

' Fly, fly, my love !' — she turn'd about and fled, 

With face through terrour pale and white as srcoclr, i 

And left her laird, at danger of his scull. 

To wrestle for his life, and parry with the bull. 

XXXI. 

The bull's long horns he grip'd, and tow'rd the ground 
Press'd down with miglit his hugy head robust, 

Whilst, madder thus defrauded of his wound. 
The brawny brute his bulk still forward thrust, 

And, riving with his heels the soil around, 

Bespattered heav'n with turf, and soil, and dust, 

And bellow 'd till each tree around him shook, 

And Echo bellow 'd back from her aerial nook. 

XXXII. 

At last th' intrepid lover, guessing well 
That now far off from harm his Sue was sped, 

Ungrip'd the horns, that, white and terrible, 
From brow their long and curling menace sprcatl: 



CANTO FIFTH. 13! 

"But scarce his grasp was loos'd, when (sad to tell I) 
Th' advantag'd brute toss'd- churlishly his head, 
And with one horn, that suddenly uprose, 
Demoiish'd and tore off the gallant Melvil's nose. 

XXXIII. 

Clean by the roots uptorn was Melvil's nose, 
Leaving its place deform and fou; with blood ; 

Yet stood he not to reap some Heavier blows, 
And catch in napkin tiie red rushing flood ; 

But quite regardless of his face's woes. 
He, hurrying down the alley of the wood, 

Fled a? if life were hung upon his heels ; 

IVor in his sweaty haste his nose's torment feels. 

XXXIV. 

Thus by the mettle of his heels he bore 

His life in safety from the brute away, 
And left behind his wound's unsightly gore. 

To all the wild-cats of the grove a prey: 
Homeward, in dumpish mood, alflicted sore, 

He took with lamentation loud his way, 
Wailing his piteous bitterness of case. 
His nasal honours crush'd, and ghastly havock'd face., 

XXXV. 

Six weeks he kept his mansion at Carubee, 
Waiting his nose's re-establishment, 



132 ANSTER FAIR. 

In vuin ; repair'd, alas ! it could not be, 
Too sore that horn the cartilage had shent. 

Fife's surgeons crowding came, for love of fee, 
Witli plaisters and with saws of loathsome scent, 

In vain ; what could or saw or surgeon dop 

Gone was the good old nose, and who could rear a new ? 

XXXVI. 

Meanwhile, he ceas'd not twice a week, to send 
Sweet cards to her, who did his thoughts employ, 

Memorials dear, which as he sat and penn'd, 
Perch'd laughing on his quill Love's mighty boy, 

And on the paper from its inky end 

DistilI'd delight, and tenderness, and joy; 

His cards he sent, but (O, the sin and shame !) 

From wicked shameless Sue there ne'er an answer 
came. 

XXXVII. 

Nor could her cruel silence be explained. 
Till Fame blew up the tidings to his house, 

That she, for whom his nose was marr'd and pain'd. 
To whom so long he had addrest his vows, 

Had, for another, now his love disdain'd, 
Urg'd by her uncle Newark to espouse ; 

That published were their bans, that now was fixt 

I'he wedding to be held on Monday forenoon next. 



GANTO FIFTH; 133 



XXXVIII. 

Tlien was the heart of injur'd Mei.vil rent 

With bitter passion at a slight so basej 
That moment up he started with intent 

To go and chide th' apostate to lier face ? 
Forth from his house in surly chafe he went, ' 

Apparell'd in his coat of golden lace; 
And eastward took his way alone and sad, 
Half cuiving, in his heart, a maid so base and bad. 

XXXIX. 

But when the little boys and girls survey'd 
His lack-nose visage as he travell'd by, 

Some to their mothers' houses ran, afraid 
To tell thera what a face had met their eye ; 

Some with their fingers pointed undismay'd. 
Giggling and blithe at his deformity j 

Ev'n ploughmen, at the road-edge, paus'd from toil, 

And held their sturdy sides, and loudly laugh'd a while. 

XL. 

Yet onward held the hapless laird his gait, 
Regardless of their mockery and scorn ; 

His sole vexation was the girl ingrate, 

In wiiose defence his beauty had been shorn. 

He soon attain'd the ample hall, where sate, 
In morning dishabille, the fair forsworn f 



134 ANSTEll FAIR. 

And, ent'ring boldly in his angry mood, 

With gritnly-flatten'd face before her frowning stood. 

XLI, 

t^'i t. (L 
• Fy, Horrour ! who art thou,' she scoffing said, ^ 

' That with defeature horrible to see, 
Dar'st thou into my room advance thy stride, 

To fright my lapdog, and to sicken itie l^ 
Go, hie thee homeward, thou deform, and hide 

That aspect in the dingles of Carnbee ; 
There with thy rabbits burrow thee, till sprout 
Forth from between thy cheeks a beautifying snout. *- 

XLII. 

Tins said, th' insulting creature from her chair, 
Red with resentment, on a sudden springs, 

And bolting forward with a saucy air. 

Her shapely person from the chamber flings. 

Leaving her honest laird confounded there, 
Heart-anguish'd by vexation's sharpest stings, 

That he may vent his anger and his fume 

On the fair carved chairs that decorate her room. 

XLIII. 

He g®t no long time to displode and vent 
On the fair chairs his bosom-choking ire; 

For, from his closet by Miss Sus.4n sent, 
Sir ."VlicHAEL ru?h'd, the sorcerer stout and dire. 



CANTO FIFTH, 13^ 

With staff in hand, to rattle chastisement 

Upon the ribs and backbone of the squire : 
He beat him from the house with magick stick, 
And added surly words, and rude discourteous kick, 

XLIV. 

Poor Melvil ! griev'd, and mortify'd, and dampt, 
His back he turn'd upon the uncivil door, 

And, musing vengeance, down the alley trampt, 
As'Tjoil'd his heart with indignation o'er ; 

He bit his lip, and curs'd the soil, and stampt, 
Chafing his wrath with imprecation more j 

For what man, so misus'd could have forborne 

To ban Sir Michaei Scott, and Sle the fair forsworn p" 

XLV. 

So down the avenue he banning past, 
Scarce conscious whither in his fret he went, 

Till Tv/ilight tenanted the sky at last, 
Pavilioning o'er Eartli her sable tent, 

And the round Moon, up-wheeling from the vast 
Of sea, in pomp of clouds magnificent, 

Embellish'd, with her sober silvery shine, 

The leaves and barky trunks of Thirdpart's fir and pine. 

XLVI. 

' Alas ! was e'er like me poor lover crost ! 
(He thus aloud deplor'd his wretched cade,) 
13 



136 ANSTER FAIR. 

So fool'd, abns'd, and cocker'd to my cost, 

So beaten into sorrow and disgrace ! 
Was't liot enough that for the jade I lost 

The rising honours of my ruin'd face ; 
But, like a hedge-born beggar tattars-hung. 
Thus from her hated gate I must be switch'd and flung ? 

XLVIT. 

May vengeance seize thee, thou foul wizard churl. 
For basting me at such an irksome rate ! 

May Satan gripe thee by the heel, and hurl 

Thy carcass whizzing through Hell's hottest gate ! 

And as for thee, thou proud ingrateful girl. 
Whose baseness, to ray grief, I know too late, 

May some good pow'r, the injur'd Lover's friend. 

On thy perfidious head a wing'd requital send !' — 

XLVIII. 

His pray'r he thus ejaculating spake, 

Nor knew that some good pow'r was nigh to hear j 
For in the middle of a flow'ry brake. 

That white witli moonshine spread its thicket near, 
Lay Tommy Puck, the gentle fay, awake, 

And Mr?. Puck, his gentle lady dear, 
Basking and lolling in the lunar ray, 
And tumbling up and down in brisk fantastick play. 



CANTO FIFTH. 137 



XLIX. 



Quolh frisky Tommy to his elfin wife, 

' Didst thou not hear the gentleman, ipy chuck ? 

'Tis young Carnbee, the sweetest Laird of Fife, 
Whom sour Sir Michael with his cane has struck : 

What think ye p— By Titania's precious life ! 
EJits it not now the tender- hearted Puck 

T' assist an injur'd lover, and to plot 

A scheme of nice revenge on Sue and Michael Scott ? 

L. 

* O yes, my dear !' his fairy consort s?Jd, 
' Go forth, and to the man address thy talk :' 

This heard, he from his bushy arbour's shade 
Flung out his minim stature on the walk, 

And stood in dwarfish finery array 'd, 

Gaudy as summer-bean's bloom cover'd stalk j 

He dotPd his hat, and made a bow protbund, 

And thus bespoke the Laird in words of pleasing soun^. 

* LI. 

' Marvel not, Melvil, that before thy feet 

I plant me thus in fearless attitude ; 
For I have heard, within my close retreat, 

What thou hast utter'd in thy fretfi/i mood ; 
And well i know thy truth how with deceit 

Repaid, thy faith with base ingratitude : 



138 ANSTER FAIR. 

Good soul ! I pity thee with all my heart, 

And therefore from my bush to thy assistance start : 

LII. 

For much it grieves Tom Puck's too feeling breast, 
That one so good, so liberal and, true, 

Should thus become a laughter and a jest, 
Mock'd, jilted, beaten into black and blue C 

I like to help whom Malice has opprest, 
And prompt a lover generous as you j 

So with attention list what I propose, 

To baffle and avenge, and laugh to scorn your foes. 

LIII. 

On Monday next, th' appointed wedding-day, 
For perjur'd Sue her Newark to espouse, 

When her long hall with feasting shall be gay, 
And smoke with meats, with riot, and with bouse, 

From thy paternal mansion haste away. 

At height of noon, to Thirdpart's bustling house. 

That thou, by time of dinner, may'st be there, 

Prepar'd to climb the steps of her detested stair. 

LTV. 

And when th' exulting bridegroom and his bride, 
Surrounded with their festive spousal train. 

Are seated ?t their tables, long and wide. 
Wielding their noisy forks and knives amain. 



CANTO FIFTH. 139 

Then burst iuto the hall with dauntless stride, 

Through menials, gi'easy cooks, and servhig-raen, 
Nor speak a word though in thy way they stand, 
But dash the scroyls aside with swing of boist'rous handi 

LV. 

Surprise, be sure, shall seize the feasters all 

Afc such a bold intruder on their treat ; 
Their forks, half-lifted to their mouths, shall fall 

Down on their plates, unlighten'd of their meat; 
Yet spoak not still, but casting round the hall 

A,n eye whose every glance is fire and threat, 
Thou in a corner of the room shalt see 
Sir Michael's magick staff, the same that basted thee. 

LVI. 

Snatch up that magick energetick stick, 

And, in thy clenchM hand wielding it with might, 

On Michael's white bald pate discharge thou quick 
A pelt enough to stun the wizard wight : 

Strange consequence shall follow from that lick ; 
Yet be not thou araaz'd or struck with fright, 

But springing to the table's upper end, 

Let on his niece's nose an easier pat descend. 

LVII. 

I will not now unfold what odd event 
From either stroke will suddenly ensue,j 
13* 



140 ANSTER FAIR. 

Enough to know, that plenteous punishment 
Shall light on grira Sir Michael and on Sui': 

Go — by your nose's cure, be confident 
That Tommy Pack aright thus counsels you.' — 

This said, he, from a vial silver- bright, 

Pour'd out upon his palm a powder small and white; 

LVIII. 

And to his mouth up -lifting it, he blows 
The magick dust on Melvil's blemish'd face, 

When (such its power) behold another nose 
Sprouts out upon the scarr'd and skinless place,. 

And to th' astonish'd moon, fair-jutting, shows 
Its supplemental elegance and grace : 

Which done, he, shining like a bright glow-worm, 

Plung'd deep amid the brake his puny pretty form, 

LIX. 

Amaze had taken Melvil, when appeared 

Erect before his steps the pigmy fay ; 
Yet not with less attention had he hear'd 

What courteous Tommy did so kindly say : 
That heart, late vex'd and tortur'd, now was cheer'd. 

And merrily beat in Hope's delightful play : 
Homeward he jogg'd from Thirdpart's haunted shade, 
Proud of his novel nose, and Tommy's tender'd aid. 



CANTO FIFTH. 141 



LX. 

Arriv'd the day when saucy Sue should wed 
Young Newark, vap'ring in his scarlet coat j 

From his paternal mansion Mei vil sped 

To Thirdpart house, t' atchieve his ready plot. 

'Twas^dinner-tirae ; the tables all were spread 
With luscious sirloins reeking richly hot, 

Gravies and pies, and steaming soups of hare, 

And roasted hen and goose, and titbits nice and rare. 

LXL 

Sue at the table's place of honour sat. 
Dealing the warm broth from its vessel out j 

Whilst, slashing with his knife through lean and fat, 
Carv'd at the lower end Sir Micuaei. stout : 

*Twas nought but mirth, and junketing, and chat, 
And handing wings and legs of fowl about, 

And noise of silver spoons, and clank and clatter, 

Of busy forks and knives, of porringer and platter. 

LXII. 

Squire Melvil heard without the dinner's din ; 

Nor tarry 'd j but with brisk and boist'rous bound, 
Jump'd up the stairs, and rudely rushing in. 

Dash'd down whom standing in his way he found ; 
Menials and apron'd cooks of greasy chin, 

Fist-founder 'd, went a-rapping to the groand. 



142 ANSTER FAIR. 

With all their loads of sauces, meats, and plates, 
In ruin fat and rich huii'd ou their pitiful pates. 

Lxrii. 

Astonish'd were the feasters when tliey view'd 
Such bold intruder stand before their eyes ; 

The morsels in their mouths that lay half-chew'd. 
Could not be swallow'd through their great surprise ,• 

Their half rais'd forks, besluck with gobbets good, 
Dropt, as if impotent more high to rise ; 

Each on his neighbour cast a meaning stare. 

As if he dumbly ask'd, What does Squire Mklvil there ? 

LXIV- 

'Twas for a moment silent in the hnll, 

As if pale Death, Uieciiapless, and the grim. 

Had taken by the throat, and choak'd them all, 
With his long, fleshless, scraggy, fingers slim; 

Till, throwing round bis glance from wall to wall, 
The Squire discern'd the staff with tassel trim, 

Sir Michael's staff with head of silver white, 

Whercwitii iie was enjoin'd its owner's poll to smite. 

LXV. 

He flew, he grasp'd it b}- its silver rind, 

And to the ceiling swinging it on high. 
Brought down on MttH.VEL's pate, as quick as wind, 

A pelt that whizz'd and rattled korribly ; 



CANTO FIFTH. 143 

Bounded his bald scull with the stroke unkind, 

Re-echoing in each lore-fill 'd cavity, 
When, O the wonder, on his high arm-chair, 
Chang'd was the churlish knight that instant to a hare ! 

LXVI. 

His dainty head, with learning so replete, 

CoUaps'd grew round, and little, and long-ear'd : 

His arms, that yet were stretch'd to carve the meat, 
Quite shrunken into two fore legs appear'd ; 

His brawny thighs turn'd hind legs on his seat 
Whereon his metamorphos'd form was rear'd ? 

And, to complete the quadruped, out-sprouted 

A fihoi't tail from his rump, with plenteous hair about it. 

XLVII. 

He sat not long, so transmew'd, on his chair, 
But, lighting on the carpet-cover'd floor, 

Scudded as swift as lightning down the stair, 
On his four bestial legs, to gain the door ; 

* Hollo' ! cried boy and groom, * A hare ! a hare ! 

As flew he from the house their eyes before ; 

• Hollo ! let loose on Puss the ^^-et grey-hound !' 
Was bawl'd in Thirdpart's court from one to t'othei- 

round. 

LXVIII. 

Unkennell'd in a twink was fleet grey-hound, 
And after Puss commenced the keen pursuit j 



144 ANSTER FAIR. 

O'er plough'd, o'er sown, o'er green, o'er follow ground 
With lev'ret craft, and wile of wearyjbot, 

With skip and scud and ditch-o'erleaping bound, 
The wizard ran in guise of hairy brute, 

While snuffing out witii sapient nose his track, 

Came yelling at his heels all Thirdpart's clam'rous pack 

LXIX. 

Eastward they scour'd, out-scampering the gale, 
Long winded dog and pursy panting hare, 

Till, taking refuge in the streets of Crail, 

Sir Michael plung'd him in a jaw-hole there, 

And left, without, his foes with wagging tail 
Worrying the sky with bark of loud despair, 

As he, secure, was fain to slink and cuddle 

Encav'd beneath the street within his miry puddle. 

LXX. 

There let us leave the Knight to cuddle fain, 
And long-tongued dog to voliy out his yell, 

And turn we to the banquet hall again. 
Where Michael's metamorphosis befel-. 

No sooner saw the Stvure that not in vain 
The staff had lighted, but succeeded well, 

Than, boundini: up to where jilt Susan sat, 

On her fair nose's bridge he brought a gentle pat. 



CANTO FIFTH. 145 



LXXI. 



A second miracle ensues ; for lo ! 

That nose, her countenance's pride and grace. 
Grows out, and shoots, and lengthens at the blov^, 

Ridiculously sprouting from her face, 
And aye it swells and beetles moe and moe, 

Tap'rinf to such a length its queer disgrace, 
That dips its point at last amid the broth, 
That near her lies in dish upon the table-cloth. 

LXXII. 

Nor did her aspect only suffer shame ; 

For, in proportion as extends her nose, 
Her shoulders, late so beautiful of frame, 
Into a hump up-heaving, hugely rose, 
Most mountainous and high, as ill became 

Fair bride array'd in sumptuous wedding clothes j 
Her very gowQ was burst and riven through. 
With the large fleshy swell, so strangely big it grew ! 

LXXIII. 

Then shook the room with laughter's frequent crack, 
As saw the guests each droll excrescence rise j 

One pointed to her still-upheaving back, 
One to her nose's still-enlarging size ; 

* Ha ! ha ! from every Squire's throat loudly brake, 
' Te-hee !' each Lady chuckles and replies j 



14G ANJ^TER FAIR. 

' Heav'ns Avliat a hideous nose !' cried every dame ; 
' Heav'ns, whnt a liideous hump !' did every Laird 
exclaim.* 

LXXIV. 

Such was the punislinR^nt which silly Sue 

From her resenlful much-wi-ong'd lover borej 

And so was sour Sir Michael punish'd too, 
For caning honest Melvii, from her door : 

Wherefore, as now the work of vengeance due 
Was finished, Charlie left iier chamber-floor. 

And lurnM his face, rejoicing, towards home, 

Mutt'ring his grateful thanks to little elfin Tom." — 

* Wieland gives to one of his Fairy Tales a catastrophe some- 
Avhat similar, if I recollect right, to the above^ 



ANSTER FAIR. 



CANTO VI. 



14 



ANSTER FAIR. 



\ 



CANTO VI. 



\ / THAT my noddle were a seething kettle,' 
Frothing with bombast o'er the Muses' fire ! 

O that my wit were sharper than a nettle ! 
O that with shrill swan-guts were strung ray lyre ! 

So would I rant and sing with such a mettle, 
That each old wife in Fife's full peopled shire 

Should, Maenad- like, spring from her spinning wheel, 

And frolick round her bard, and wince a tott'ring reel. 

II. 

Scarce had the victor ceas'd his hindmost clause, 
When from th' immensity of folk afar, 

Bose such a hideous shout of loud applause. 
As ever stunn'd with outcry sun or star ; 



150 ANSTER FAIR. 

Each tongue grew riotous within its jaws, 

Clacking an acclamation popular ; 
Hands, high o'erhead uplifted, round and round, 
Struck plausire palm on palm, and clapt a rattling sound. 

III. 

And twice ten thousand hats, aloft upthrown 
In black ascension, blot heaven's blue serene, 

O'ercanopying Anster's crowded Loan 

With crown and rim, as with a dusky skreen ; 

x\nd bonnets broad, and caps of sharp'ning cone, 
Afloat 'twixt earth and firmament are seen, 

And lasses cowls, and hoods, up tost on high, 

Encroaca with tawdry clout upon the clouds of sky.' 

IV. 

As when a troop of locusts, famine-pin'd, 

From Edom's unblest monster breeding womb, 

Sail on tne hot wings of the southern wind 
Wriggling aloft their sky-hung mass of gloom ; 

And w here El Sham's clear golden riv'lets wind. 
Through her gay gardens distributing bloom, 

They light, and spread their devastation rrund, 

Bepainting black as pitch the green luxuriant ground r 

V. 

Just such a darkness mounts into the sky, "~- 

Of hat and liood, of bonnet and of ca^» 



CANTO SIXTH. 151 

So thick, that those who swing them up on high 
Below i'the shade are heard to shout and clap ; 

For still the folk applaud it lustily, 
And pain their tingling palms with noisy rap, 

Expressing thus, with deaPning acclamation. 

Of Robert's merry tale, their hearty approbation. 

VI. 

Nor sits the Monarch idle to th' acclaim ; 

But, rising up raajestick from his chair, 
With kingly praise augments the Victor's fame, 

And clapping, grinds between his palms the air : 
I heii seizes he the fingers of the Dame, 

A id gently raising from her seat the fair, 
He, as the sign and seal of marriage-band, 
Slips into Robert's grasp his Maggie's tender hand!. 

VII. 

He hade his choir of Trumpeters apply 

T' mouth their hollow instruments of sound., 

An:3 in an unison of clangour high. 
Publish the marriage to the world around ; 

The fellows blew it to the peak of sky, 
And sky sent down again the loud rebound ; 

Earth did to Heav'n's high top the news up-throw, 

And Heav'n re-bruited back th' alarum down below. 

14* 



152 ANSTER FAIK 



VIII. 

But now the beam-hair'd coursers of the sun, 

All-smoking with their fiery hot fatigue, 
Their task of charioting had pranc'd and run, 

And hurled in sea their hissing goldeagig j 
Their unshorn driver had but just begun 

Beyond the Isle of Bijte the wave to swig ; 
And, twinkling o'er Auld Reekie's smoke afar, 
Peep'd through Heav'n's mantle blue the modest eve 
ning star. 

IX. 

And soon the Moon in hood of silver drest, 

All glistering and gladsome as may be. 
Forth from her glorious casement in the east 

Look'd laiighing dowa upon both land and sea , 
And on the bosom of the dark'ning west 

Her pearly radiance shot rejoicingly : 
Also the iieads of ail that fill the Loan 
Wax'd yellow with the rays that on them streaming 
shone. 

X. 

TVherdbre, as now the damp nocturnal air 

Began to dribble down its chilly dew, 
And as, of all the business of the Fair, 

jN ought now reiijain'd upon the green to do 
T Ije Herald, from beside the Monarch's chair, 

A')ro;id the sigtKil of dispersion blew, 



CANTO SIXTH. 153 

That the wide multitude, dispread around, 
Should now break up its mass, and leave the nighted 
ground. 

XI. 

Which heard, the congregated folk upbroke 
With loud disruption their diflFusion vast, 

Andf split and shoaling off in many a flock, 
With homeward squeeze they lurbulently past : 

Beneath their feet the pillar'd Earth did rock, 
As up to Jove a dusty cloud they cast, 

That blear'd the bright eyes of Niglit's glimm'ring 
queen, 

And chok'd the brilliant stars, and dimm'd their twink- 
ling sheen. 

XII. 

And such the clutter was, when shoal from shoal 

With violent impulse was torn and riven. 
As when the vaulting ice, that floors the pole, 

Touch'd by the fiery shafts of warming Heaven, 
Splits into fractur'd isles, that crash and roll 

Diverse, athwart the molten ocean driven ; 
The Greenland boatman hears the noise af^.r. 

And blesses for its heat day's winter-routing star. 

XIII. 

So loudly rush'd from Anster's cumber'd Loan, 
The burthenous and bustling multituJe, 

Kicking th' o'ertrampled earth they trod upon 
^V'ith saucy heel in their iiupetnous mood ; 



154 ANSTER FAIR. 

Some to their tents of blanket jumped anon, 

That on the fields and crofts adjoining stood ; 
Some to their booths and houses in the town, 
Hie hot with huddling haste, and hop and hurry dowB. 

XIV. 

Meanwhile, the King, as now sufficient space 
Was for his passage clear'd about the mound, 

Descended from his lofty honoured place, 
Where sat he mid his gallant courtiers round : 

Close at his right hand downward walk'd, with grace. 
The well-earn 'd prize, bright Maggie the renown'd i 

While the great Victor at his other side, 

Attended blithe and brisk, exulting in his Bride. 

XV. 

On their brave nags their persons up they swings 
And to the borough gently jogging ride, 

Hemm'd thick around with ao illustrious ring 
Of gay Court-ladies, trooping side by side, 

And Lords, whose coats with gold lace spangled, fling 
Back on th' abashed Moon her beamy pride, 

And jolly Kuights, and booted Esquires stout, 

And burghers, clowns, and boys, a noisy rabble-rout. 

XVI. 

As downward to the town they tramp and trot, 
The mingled peals of gratulation rise ; 



CANTO SIXTH. Uk 

PV)!", on their catlings, fiddlesticks, I wot, 

Bicker'd and skipt in funny furious wise, 
And trun[ipet rear'd again its solemn note 

Sonorously, assailant on the skies, 
Full loudly lifting in a jocund tune, 
The name of Ranter Rob up to the man i'the moon. 

xvn. 

And sounding cymbals clink and ring sublime, 

Clash'd overhead in lofty unison ; 
And fife and flute in merry whistle chime, 

Soothing the lulled ear with dulcet tone j 
While aye the bass-drum, at his proper time, 

Swallows the musick with his sudden groan j 
Till drum, flute, cymbal, trumpet, all are drow'n'd 
In shouts, that pealing rise from the mad mob around. 

XVIII. 

s 

Thus rode the train, as if in triumph down, 
Exulting, through the night's moon-gilded shade. 

Till, reaching Maggie's quarter of the town. 
Stops at her house the splendid cavalcade ; 

(For be it now, my good co-townsmen ! known, 
That in th' East green's best house fair Maggis 
stay'd. 

Near where St Ayle's small lodge in modern day 

Admits to mystick rites her bousy masons gay.) 



156 ANSTER FAIR. 



XIX. 

At Maggie's door they stopp'd ; when, lighting therC;, 
The bridegroom brisk, and jolly- minded King, 

And showy I^obleman, and Lady fair, 
From pad and saddle on the causey spring, 

And, passing in due order up her stair, 
The good landlady to her chamber bring, 

A pomp of rare attendance brave and bright. 

With sweetly-biting jest, and joke of dear delight. 

XX. 

In her torch-brighten'd chamber down they sate 

Upon her chairs, jocundly one and all, 
And exercise their tongues in social prate. 

Till Maggie's cooks and Jamks's seneschal 
May well prepare and range each supper-plate 

On her long table in her dining-halli — 
There let us leave awhile, King, Lord, and Lady, 
And saunter through the town till sup^. < !s fare be ready. 

XXI. 

Heav'ns! how from street to street the people reel, 
As if they knew not where to rush lor joy ! 

How rocks the causey with incessaat heel 

Of hurrying man, and wife, and maid, and boy ! 

From lane and wynd the sounds of gladness peal. 

Hitting the stars with clamorous annoy ; 



CANTO SIXTH. 157 

As all the houses' walls and roofs are bright 

With bbnfire's yellow glow, and candles' gentler light. 

XXH. 

For in each window's every pane is seen, 

Stuck into fitly-fashion'd wood or clay, 
A tallow candle flinging forth its sheen, 

T' augment th' illumination's grand display j 
How flame the houses with a lustre keen, 

In emulation of the sun-bright day ! 
Ev'n the poor old-wife's backroom-window glows. 
Gilding the good green kail that underneath it grows ■. 

XXIII. 

While in each well-proved street and alley strait, 
And at the Cross, and up along the Loan, 

Their spiry curls huge bonfires elevate, 

Cracking with heat the ground and causey-stone ; 

For ev'ry bonfire was a cart-load great 

Of Dysart c ., that redly flash'd and shone. 

Emblazing with its tongues of flame so bright, 

The dusk and smutty brow of star-bestudded night. 



XXIV. 

And, gawntress'd round each ruddy fire about. 
Hogsheads of porter and of cheery ale. 

Forth from tlieir little gurgling bung-holes spout 
Their genial streams in tankard, pot, and pail. 



158 ANSTER FAIR. 

'twas a wild notorious guzzling-bout ! 

That night no throat was narrow, or was fra9*, 
But, in long draughts delicious, swallowM down 
The barley's mantling cream, and bev'rage stout and 
brown. 

XXV. 

(Not from thy brew-house's well-barrell'd store, 

O Roger ! comes a drink of stronger proof, 
Though foams thy hearty ale the tankard o'er, 
And sends its cork a-thund'ring to the roof:) 
Ev'n ancient men, whose hairs were thin and hoar, 

Then staid not from the fuddle's fun aloof, 
JBut drank till every head was giddy turning, 
. And to their reeling eyes each fire in sky seem'd bu^B^ 
ing. 

XXVI, 

Yet not all night each brisk warm-blooded boy, 
Sat drinking with his sweet-heart blithe and boon) 

1 hey on the Loan, in many a reel, employ 
Their bouncing bodies wriggling to the moon, 

And almost wince away their heels for joy, 

Tossing and riving their dance bursten shoon, 
V»"hiist, ever and anon, or ere she wist, 
Hraack by her partner dear each bonny lass was kies'd. 

xxvri. 

3uch out of doors was the disport and bouse j 
But higher was the pitch of joy within j 



CAIVTO SIXTH. i5& 

That night was Anster's every barn and house 

Converted into tipph'ng-shop and inn ; 
Garrets and bed-rooms reek with hot carouse, 

And steaming punch of whisky and of gin j 
The kitchen fires are crowded round and round 
With rings oi lively lads, that swig their bowls profound. 

XXVIII. 

Hey ! how their glasses jingle merrily ! 

How rings the table with their revel-roar ! 
How, as they toast their Mag with three times three, 

Sounds with loud heel the vex'd tormented floor ! 
Tliey sing, they clap, they laugh with honest glee j 

Were never seen such merry men heretofore ! 
Through window glass and stony wall bursts out 
Abroad on night's dull ear the wassail's frequent shout. 

XXIX. 

But now, in Mago'e's tapestry-decked hall, 
Serv'd is the sumptuous raarriage-supper up. 

And clean neat-handed cook and seneschal 
Hath set each mess, and dish, and plate, and cup ; 

So down in seemly oider sit they all. 
With stomachs stiff and resolute to sup. 

And set their gridiug for.ks and knives to work, 

Oh turkey, goose, and hep, cold veal, and cheek of pork 
1.5 



160 ANSTER FAIR. 



Behoves it not my hardship to relate 

What various viands bnrden'd Maggie's board; 

What lay on this, and what on t'other plate, 
What Lady first was help'd, and by what Lord, 

What mess the King, and what the others ate : 
That would be tedious trifling, 'pon my word j 

I will not do't, though I could tell, in sooth. 

How oft each fork was rais'd to every munching mouth. 

XXXI. 

Suffice it, good my townsmen, that ye know, 
That there fastidious teeth found pleasant food, 

That all the cates that kingly banquets show 

Were spread before them, fragrant, rich, and good j 

And that, though some ate less and some ate moe. 
Each ate as much, be certain, as he cou'd j 

Till, tir'd at last of piddling with their gums, 

They eas'd of knife and fork their fingers and their 
thumbs. 

XXXII. 

But when the sound of teeth had ceas'd i'the hall. 
And fork and knife lay idle on their plate. 

And guest and hostess, backward leaning all. 
Their picktooths now were plying, saturate, 

Up from his seat arose the Bridegroom tall. 
Where to liis bloomiug Spouse oppos'd he sate. 



CAIMTO SIXTH. 161 

And, e'er the table-cloth was ta'en away, 

He turn'd hintv to the King, and thus addrest his say : — 

XXXIII. 

" Think not, my Liege, that Fortune, or that Chance, 
To-day hath made me in my conquest blest, 

Imp«lling me by casual circumstance, 
To jump without a warrant like the rest ; 

'Twas not alone with Heav'n's high suiFerance, 
I put my jumping-prowess to the test j 

'Twas by its order I in sack was bound ; 

Twas with its favour too, that I my Bride have found, 

XXXIV. 

jjfor deem that some dumb beldam, Satan's tool, 

Qr wily witch, or second- sigiited seer, 
Hath, oracling, deceiv'd me iike a fool, 

To think 1 to supernal Pow'r am dear; 
No, Monarch j by tiie cowl of old St. Rule! 

I heard the order with no proxy ear. 
And with my own true eye uiifalsify'd, 
I ev'n upon my chair tiie goodly vision spy'd \- 

XXXV. 

For, on an evening in December last, 

('Twas just the evening of that day, whereon 

The stout-lung'd criers through the Border past. 
Proclaiming what should hap in Anstek Loan,) 



162 ANSTER FAIR 

As down to supper's sober cool r past 
I sat me in my dining- room alone. 
Musing upon the late heard newj; so odd, 
Blown from the tiump of fame and crier's throat abroad } 

XXXVI. 

I happen'd in my fingers up to take 
Tlie pepper-box, where lurk'd my spicy stores, 

And hdd it o'er my plate, intent to shake 
The fragrant atoms from its little bores. 

When, as my hand inverted it, there brake 
Out from the tin lid's perforated pores, 

A stieara of beauteous smoke, that, like a mist, 

Curl'd its delicious wreaths around my shaded fi$t. 

XXXVII 

Astonish'd at the prodigy, I threw 

The steaming box upon the table-cloth, 

When, more with miracle t' amaze my view, 
It frisk 'd and trotted mid the plates, i' troth, 

And ceas'd not from its num'rous holes to spue 
Its incense white as flakes of ocean froth, 

Up-sending to the ceiling of the room 

Its supernat'ral flux o^ pure and fragrant fume. 

XXXVIII. 

\ sat and gaa'd — not long ; when, strange to say. 
Forth from that reeky pillar's paly base, 



CANTO SIXTH. 16» 

Started at once a little female fay, 
Giggling and blithely laughing in my face j 

Her height was as the lily, that in May 
Lifts to the sun her head's enveraieil'd grace j 

Her beauty as the rays of various glow, 

That glorify the length of Heav'n's sea- drinking bo\*. 

XXXIX. 

The gown in which her elf-ship was array'd, 
Like to the peacock's painted feather shined. 

And on the tablecloth redundant spread 
Its lustrous train for half a foot behind j 

Over her breast her purple-striped plaid 
Lay floating loose and thin as woven wind j 

And gorgeous was her head-dress, as the hue 

Of Iris-flower, that spreads her velvet petals blue. 

XL. 

Deck'd was her neck's circumference with row 
Of diamonds, strung on thiead in costly baud, 

Small pearly berries that are wont to grow 
Upon the bushes of old Fairyland ; 

And in each diamond's orb so fair in show, 
My candle's image burning seem'd to stand, 

That her white slender neck was all in gleam, 

Bo^iblv impearled thus with Light's reflected beam. 
15* 



164 ANSTER FAIR; 



XLI. 

And pendent from her neck, by golden thread, 

A little dangling silver lute I saw. 
Of fashion rare, and quaintly polished. 

Not thicker than a pipe of oaten straw : 
She laugh'd and nodded courteously her head, 

Belike to clear away my doubt and awe, 
For, sooth to say, I was not unafear'd, 
Wh^i from my pepper-box good lady fay appear'd; 

XLII. 

She dropt a courtesy, reverently low, 

And thus bespoke in clear and mellow voice ; 

*Tvvas sweeter than the chiming winds that blow 
Upon th' jEolian harp a whiffled noise : — 

* Excuse me, good your worship ! that I so 

With my quaint presence mar your supper's joys j 

I have some little matter to impart j 

'Twill not detain you long. — Nay, Robert — do not 
start : 

XLIII. 

Compose thee. Squire, and calmly give thine ear 
To what shall from my gentle mouth proceed. 

For mickle shall it profit thee to hear, 
And prize aright the value of my rede j 

And be assur'd, thy person, Rob, is dear 
To the slim creatures of the fairy breed, 



CANTO SIXTH. 165 

That thus I peer from out my box of spice, 

To tender, for thy weal, my uncompell'd advice :• 

XLIV. 

Hast thou not lieard the wond'rous news to-day, 
Through all the marches of the Border blown, 

Of sports, and games, and celebrations gay, 
Promulgate to be held in Anster Loan, 

And that a maid the victor's toils shall pay, 
A maid, whose beauty is excell'd by none ? 

Thou hast — and I surpris'd thee deep in muse, 

A-pond'ring on th' import of such amazing news • 

XLV. 

€o, when o'er Cockraw peeps Light's golden born,- 

And seek a supple ass whereon to ride ; 
Go, seek a long sack, sturdy and untorn, 

^Vherein to jump with droUy-trammell'd stride; 
Go, seek a bagpipe whose wind-pouch unworn. 

May well tti^ wrath of prison'd breath abide'; 
Go, set thy brain to work like vat of ale, 
And skim thou off for MAffsome smart ingenious tal«, 

XLVL 

And know, when at the Loan is try'd thy skill, 

Thy ass I'll nettle en with spur unseen ; 
Into thy bones and sinews I'll instil 

Great vigour to o'erjump the quaking green ; 



\m ANSTER FAIR. 

Thy bagpipe's pouch with tempest I will fill, 

1 lending thy tune a witchery not mean ; 
Antl from thy sturdy-rack'd perplexed brains, 
A merry tale I'll squeeze, the help-mate of thy painfc 

XLVII. 

So shalt thou, Squire, in Scotland's view be crown*d 

I' pon the spot with victory and fame. 
And ride a happy bridegroom from the ground, 

E late and glorying in thy peerless dame : 
Yet when thy toil's transcendant prize is found, 

And marriage-revelries thy Joy proclaim, 
f ch irge thee, as my aid shall make thee blest, 
For};et not what 1 now, as to my box, request : 

XLVTII. 

This box — this pepper box — this homely shrinej 
\\ frerein confin'd by wizard spell I stay, 

Must be transported in a pBuch of thine, 

\\ hen thou to Anster Loan dost take thy way j. 

And wh^n thou down to marriage feast and wine 
S.^all pit, in Maggie's hall, a bridegroom gay, 

Tlie.i from thy pocket draw it in a trice. 

And on the table-cloth lay down the box of spice. 

XLIX. 

Ask not the purport of my odd behest ; 
*J'will be unriddled hx the proper place. 



CANTO SIXTH. 16? 

'Tis thine t' effect the task, and leave the rest 
To Madam Puck's good complaisance and grace^'— ^ 

Here Madam Puck her piping voice supprest, 
And, with a sweet smile on her little face, 

Rear'd up the small lute in her lily fist. 

And with her rose-red lip its furbish'd silver kiEfe'd. 



She play'd a tune so delicate and sweet, 
So overpow'ring with its ravishment, 

That sit I could no longer on my seat, 
But up and cap'ring o'er ray chamber went. 

As if within the soles of both my feet, 
A store of frisky Mercury was pent j 

(And, by tlie by, 'twas just the tune, with which 

My bagpipe did to-day your reeling Loan bewitch.) 

LI. 

At length she ceas'd, and in a stroke o'the eyfe 
Delv'd down within her jail of tin again, 

And in her stead left curling bonnily 
A smoke, whose odour ravish'd nose and brain — 

No more, my gracious Liege — what need have I 
Longer to talk, where talking would be vain ?-•>' 

Behold — what Mrs. Puck commanded me — 

'Tis but a sorry thing — the pepper-box— <l'ye see ? 



i3S ANSTER FAIR. 



LII. 



Thus speaking, from the pocket of his coat, 
Wherein he had convey'd it to our town, 

The goblin-haunted pepper-box he brought. 
And, laughing, set it on the table down ; 

Great laughter crackled in the Monarch's throat,. 
As on the cloth he saw the tin y-thrown ; 

And giggling guest 'gan fling his jeers and jokes 

Upon the paltiy frame of Rob's poor pepper-box. 

LIII. 

But soon was chang'd their blithe to fearful mood^ 
When strait, afore each half-mistrusting eye, 

The bawbling box of pepper, where it stood, 
Be«:an again to dance spontaneously. 

And fidg'd and frisk'd, in strange inquietude, 
Among the plates that thickly-ranged lie, 

Pirecting to the table's middle part 

Its motion by the side of broken pie and tart. 

LIV. 

Yet tO'a greater pitch their wonder grew, 
When, at the table's other end, they spy 

Fair Maggie's mustard-pot commencing too 
To gambol and to iidge i'l sympathy ; 

(1 he self-same pot, whence burst to Maggie's view. 
Of late Tom Puck, with brightly- breeched thigh f) 



CANTO SIXTH. 16a 

A.B would a hen leap on a firivhot griddle, 

So leap'd the mustard-pot towafd the table'fs middle. 

LV. 

Short while they flirted, pepper-box and pot. 
Most laughable, yet fearful to be view'd. 

Till, meeting on the table's midmost spot, 
Stock-still th* ignoble bouncing vessels stood, 

And from their little cells where lay the hot 
Ground pepper, and the biting mustard good, 

Were in a moment seen at once to break 

Two parallel white shafts of silv'ry spouting reek - 

LVI. 

Ascending curl'd, not long, each sep'rate fume^, 
Up- throwing to the roof its preciousness, 

When with a fire-flash that emblaz'd the room, 
Burst from the hollow mustard-pot's recess 

Good Tommy Fuck, the fay of roseate bloom, 
Clad in his custom'd gaudery of dress j 

And, with a second gleam of flashy light, 

Sprung from the spicy-box good Madam Puck to sight. 

LVII. 

With faces to each other tun'd they rise 
Sf^a'-ce -sunder'd by a lingei s length of space. 

And, ii an instant, as tliey recognise. 
With gliinpse of quisk eye, eacfj the oth-'i's face. 



170 ANSTER FAIR, 

They fall, as if o'ercome with sweet surpri se, 

On one another's necks in close embrace, 
Like friends that, having long liv'd far apart, 
Meet and relieve in tears the joy-o'erburden'd heart, 

LVIIL 

Astonishment his whitely ensign shows 
On each spectator's visage at the sight ; 

Courtier and King, that sat to table close, 

Slyly push'd back their chairs, confounded quite j 

The Ladies hid their faces in their clothes, 
Or underneath the table slunk for fright ; 

Save Mag and Rob, who laugh'd to see once more, 

The tricksy kindly ouphes that hail'd them heretofore, 

LIX. 

Awhile the pair of pigmies on the spot, 
Lock'd their fantastick persons jole to jole. 

And, as two doves of pluniy varnish'd throat 
Sit billing in their dove cot's nested hole, 

Their liquid wee lips twitter'd kisses hot 
In fond commutuality of soul j 

It was a treat to see how sweetheart-like 

Their fiery fairy mouths the dear collision strike I 

LX. 

At length, as rapture's first excess was past, 
They disentangle their endear'd embrace. 

And, tow'rd the Kin;^ and guest that sat aghast, 
Tjtn*n'd rotind eacli minim prcttyness efface; 



CANTO SIXTH. 171 

Dame Puck, to Mag and those beside her placed, 

Let fall a courtesy with a courtly grace ; 
Tom, fronting James, took hat from off his brow, 
And curv'd his goblin back into a goodly bow. 

LXI. 

A glance upon the company he shot, 

^nd smil'd on Mag that sat at head o'the board, 
Then from his silly dulcet-piping throat 

Sweet utterance of word-clad breath he pour'd :— 
" O Monarch ! let amazement seize thee not ; 

Be of good cheer, each Dame and noble Lord ! 
Ungown your timid faces, all ye Fair ! 
Draw ye to table close, each Gentleman your chair t 

LXIL 

For do not think that in us twain you spy 

Two spirits of the perter wicked sort, 
That, buzzing on bad errand through the sky. 

In pranks of molestation take their sport, 
Confounding old-wives churns, and slipping sly 

Their stools from underneath them to their hurt, 
Or chucking young sweet maids below the chin. 
That so they bite the tongue their tender mouths within; 

LXIII. 

Of kindlier hearts are Tommy and his spouse, 
Aidant to some, benevolent to all ; 
16 



172 ANSTER FAIR. 

For oft we sweep the thrifty matron's house 
With besom quaint, invisible, and small, 

Oft from her cheese and butter chase the mouse, 
Preyless, into the cavern of his wall, 

And oft her churn-staff gripe, that in a twink 

The waves of bubbling cream to buttery masses sink. 

LXIV. 

But chiefly of young lovers true and kind, 
The patrons and the guardians good are we, 

Linking each mutual and harmonious mind 
In silver cord of dear complacency; 

But when the vows, that should restrain and bind, 
Broke to another's misery we see, 

'Tis ours to take the injur'd lover's part. 

And on the perjur'd head deal out th' avenging smart. 

LXV. 

Witness what vengance hit Miss Susan Scott, 
Whose back and visage, for her breach of troth, 

Obtain'd a penal and opprobrious blot, 

Swoln out to counterpoise each other's growth j 

And though, for our suggestion of that plot. 
To punish her and her sour guardian both, 

My wife and I hath suffer'd hard and long. 

Yet, by my Monarch's beard ! 'twas right t' avenge the 
wrong. 



GANTO SIXTH. 17« 



LXVI. 

O we have suffer'd much ! — that wizard fouV 
(Beshrew his meagre vile malicious ghost !) 
Na sooner scap'd from Crail's vile sewei-hole, 
And took again the shape that he had lost, 
Than, with his long-tail'd demons black as coal 
•That whiz to serve him from Hell's every coast, 
Consulting in bis study, soon he leam'd 
Who prompted Charles to wreak the vengeance justly 
earn'd. 

LXVII. 

Then chum'd the sorcerer's mouth the surly foam ; 

He clench'd his fist and swore by Beelzebub, 
He forthwith should o'er half the country roam, 

Beating each thicket with his oaken club, 
To find out dapper intermeddling Tom 

In his inhabited and secret shrub. 
And heel him forth reluctant to the day, 
And for his pranks cliustise upon his breech the fay. 

LXVIII. 

His hat he put on his craft- crammed head ; 

He grip'd Ijis liugy gnarled staff in hand. 
And down his study-stair, with sounding tread, 

Came spitting smoke like newly- lighted brand : 
Forth from the gate he in a hurry sped. 

To beat tiie total bushes of the land^ 



174 ANSTER FAIR. 

Cursing at every step the harmless breed 

Of elfs, that aid the wrongM in grevious time of need. 

LXIX. 

Need it be told? Alas ! too soon he found 

The bush, where with my dame I sleeping lay ; 

Too soon his cudgel, thrashing round and round, 
^ Graz'd our slim bodies in its dang'rous play ; 

And, had not Ob'ron sav'd us both from wound, 
Our brains had fairly been dasb'd out that day ; 

We woke — we shriek'd — his rugged hand he stretched. 

And from our leafy bed us by the heels he fetch'd, 

LXX. 

His long-nail'd hairy fingers, grasping tight 
Our waists, uprear'd us to his bearded chin, 

And held us there in melancholy plight, 
Wriggling our innocent frail members thin : 

He spqt upon our faces with despite, 
Glooming his phiz into a joyful grin j 

Then, lowering down, he plung'd us ere we wot. 

Each int' a sep'rate pouch of his great cliunsy coat. 

LXXI. 

There lay we button 'd in, and closely pent 

In a dark dungeon of detested cloth. 
As, tracing back his steps, he homeward went, 

And to his chamber bore us dangling both ; 



CANTO SIXTH, il5 

He drew us forth, the wicked churl, intent 
On base revenge, maleyolent and wroth, 
And with unseemly usage treated each, 
And slapp'd with scurvy palm my little harmless breech. 

Lxxir. 

Then did he in his wickedness begin 

X© practice his detestable device ; 
He took a paltry pepper-box of tin, 

And hoisting up my consort in a trice, 
He push'd her weeping ladyship within, 

(/lean through the lid amid the pungent spice; 
(For fairy shapes can be contracted so 
As through a needle's eye right easily to go :) 

LXXIII. 

He push'd her shrieking down into the cell, 

With cruel taunt, and mocking devilish, 
And mutter'd o'er her a confining spell 

Of Hell's abhorr'd and uncoutli gibberish : — 
'Lie there, Dame Fuck /' he cried, ' entZ bed thee well 

hi the snug durnnce of thy pen'il dish ; 
There be a tenant till the day shall come 
Ord(iin''d V enfranchise thee from thy ignoble tomb ?'^ 

LXXIV. 

A sorry mustard-pot then took the Knight, 
And, 'tween his fingers lifting me sublime, 

16 * 



176 ANSTER FAIR. 

He piish'd and plung'd me, yelling with affiright, 
Amid the mustard's yellow sloughy slime ; 

And, ' Lie thou thercy^ he cried, ' ^u meddling sprUe ! 
And do the proper penance for thy crime; 

There be a tenant till the day shall come 

Ordained V enfranchise thee from thy ignoble tomb ? 

LXXV. 

Nor meet Tom Puck and Madam Puck agen, 

Until the fairest maid of Scottish land 
Shall to the supplest of all Scotland''s men, 

Charm''d by his jumping, give her bed and hand ;' — ■ 
This said, he mumbled o'er me in my den 

His damned spell too hard to understand, 
Of virtue to impound, and cage me there, 
Ev'n till the day fore-doom'd to let me loose to air., 

LXXVI. 

And further, he, to sunder us the more, 
And interpose large space between Qs twain, 

To Melrose Abbey journeying, with him bore 
The spicy jail, where lay my spouse in pain, 

And gave it to the Monks, skill 'd deep in lore, 
That in their charge it might for years remain, 

To grace the Abbey-table, and supply 

Their kail on feasting-days with pepper hot and dry. 



CANTO SIXTH. 177 



LXXVII. 



And there, methinks, for ages it has been ; 

Till, as roll'd onward Time's fulfilling round, 
By the wise care of our fair fairy- queen, 

To Rob the Ranter's house the way it found, 
Where, from her box upstarting to his eyne, 

*XThe spell that moment lost its power t' impound,) 
My wife bade Scotland's supplest man prepare. 
All for her weal and his, to jump at Aaster Fair. 



LXXVIII. 

For me — when first that stern felonious Knigh^ 
Had dungeon'd me in penal-pot so fast, 

My jail he did commit that very night 
To Pittenweem's fat Monks of belly vast, 

/That from its small profundity they might 
Supply with mustard every rich repast, 

And in the abbey-pantry guard the cell, 

Whepe I, alas ! was doom'd for many an age to dwell. 

LXXIX. 

And there I dwelt in dolesome house of clay, 
Far sunder 'd from my wife in sad divorce j 

Till onward drew the freedom-giving day, 
Fix'd and appointed in Time-'e fatal coorEJey 



178 ANJiTER FAIR. 

When Obpron, the silver-scepter'd fay, 

That rules his phantom- tribes with gentle force, 
My mustard-pot by secret means convey'd 
1 o Margie's house — the house of Scotland's fairest 
maid. 

LXXX. 

Hi>re as one night upon her supper- board, 

laibogg'd amid my biting mire I lay, 
My king a moment broke the spell abhor'd. 

That kept me pent and pester'd night and day j 
1 lose, I loos'd ray tongue to mortal word, 

Oommanding her to publish sans delay, 
The merry gaiRes effectual to decide 
\VJ)at supplest-sitiew'd Scot should gain her for his 
bride. 

LXXXT. 

Abroad the games were blown o'er Scottish ground, 
And hurry'd thousands in to Ansteh Fair : 

Tlie work is done — the supplest man is found ; 
He sits the Ciidegronm and the Landlord there; 

The fairest Maid of all the realm around 
Sits yonder, star-like shining on her chair j 

The Imppiest couple they of all beside : 

God ble<s you riciily both, fair Bjidegrooni and fair 
Bride ! 

LXXXII. 

Nor think, my wedded dears ! that you alone 
J^y Anstei.'s ganicpome Fair are render'd blest : 



CANTO SIXtH. IVJ 

We too, that have so long with mutual moan 
Id torment and divorcement liv'd distrest, 

Meet now again, (great thanks to Oberon !) 
Re-wedded, re- possessing, re-possess'd, 

A pair of happy fays coDJoin'd for ever, 

Whom henceforth wizards hate shall have no might tb 
s ever. 

LXXXIII. 

And now, my Lord, O King ! we must away 
To taste the sweets of new-found liberty, 

To ride astraddle on the lunar ray 
In airy gallop to the top of sky. 

And lave our limber limbs, and plash and play 
Amid the milk ttiat dims the galaxy : 

Farewell'! — may joys be rain'd on each of you ! 

Adieu, thou Bridegroom sweet ! thou bonny Bride j 
adieu !" — 

LXXXIV. 

This having said, he on his shiqy hair 

Did gracefully his silver'd hat replace, 
And seizing by the hand his lady fair, 

A while look'd smerking, winking, in her face j 
Then swift as spark from fire, or beam from star. 

That unsubstantial, slim, frail, fairy-brace, 
From table heaving off their phantasms small, 
Sheer through the window flew of Maggie's dining-hall. 

LXXXV. 

Sheer through the window fleetly flew the twaio, 
Mocking the eye that try'd to follow them j 



180 ANSTER FAIR. 

Yet, strange to add ! nor wood nor glassy pane 
Was injur'd of the fay-pierc'd window frame ; 

Amazement ran in ev'ry beating vein 
Of Bride, and Groom, and King, and Lord, and Dame, 

As they beheld the coupled goblins fly 

Through window-shut and glassalwoad into the sky. 

Lxxxvr. 

Recover'd quickly of their short surprise, 
They drew to table nearer each his chair ; 

A bumper fill, the sportive Monarch cries, 
To Tom and Lady Puck, the elfin pair ! 

Landlord and guest his brimming glass supplies 
From bottle with the dainty vine-blood rare; 

Clean to the dregs their glasses drink they all. 

As " Tpm and Mrs. Puck" sound echoing through the 
hall. 

LXXXVII. 

Thus they the social happy minutes spend 
la wine, and chat, and haniiless revelry, 

Till slow began the round moon to descend 
Down the starr'd ladder of the western sky, 

And sleep, that toil-worn man's frail frame must mend, 
His spunge's balsam wrung on human eye ; 

Prom table, then, withdrew to sleeping room, 

Courtier, and King, and Dame, and Bride, and glad 
Bridegroom. 



JNU OF ANSTER FAIR. 



H A R I M. 



PASTORAL. 



HARIM. 



PASTORAL. 



TIME, MORNING. — SCENB, THE HOLY I,ANP. 

Jb AIR op'd on Dothan's verdant lawn 
The eye-lids of the golden dawn ; 
The parted clouds, that, white and rare, 
Had grown upon the nightly air, 
Now smitten, where on high they rest, 
By the red arrows of the East, 
Melt in a dewy silent shower, 
Precious to tree, and bush, and flower. 
Each stately tree, that heav'nward heaves 
H is green magnificence of leaves, 
Each lowly bush, that waves in air 
Her verdure of entangled hair. 
Each flower, whose sweets irapregn the gale. 
Each pile of grass that greens the dale, 
Now, gemm'd with dewy jewels gay, 
Their glancing glories round display: 
17 



184 

'T^as as jf Morning, ere her first 
Red lustre Trom the Ocean burst, 
Had gather'd all the gems that pave 
The precious bed of Ophir's wave, 
And flung them from her lap around 
On Dothan's brightly-pearled ground. 

Such was th' inviting matin hour 
When Harim left his shepherd bower, — 
Harim. the fairest shepherd-swain 
That ever pip'd on Dothan's plain : 
His bower he left, and sought the spot 
Where stood his Sherah's shaded cot, — 
Sherah, the fairest shepherd-maid 
Of all that danc'd in Dothan's shade. 

As through her window^, where entwine 
The vine-branch and the jessaaune, 
The ri-^ing Sun into her cot 
His rays of yellow lustre sliot. 
Close by her wall, where palm-tree high 
Curves Ills green roof of leaves in s^ky, 
Unseen, j'-oung Harim took his stand, 
His silver-stringed iiarp in hand, 
And thus his matin descant sung. 
With wedded skill of hand and tongue : — 

Awake, my Fair ! My Love, arise ! 
liO ! ii'-.e day breaks, the shadow flies ; 
The gaudy Morn, rob'd round with beams, 
Hath lei't the wave of orient streaibs, 



185 

And in her sun-bright sandals proud, 
WaJks on yon ro«y eastern cloud : 
O'er the green breast of every lawn 
Long level lines of light are drawn ; 
And on each hill's white summit pleiy 
The rivers of refulgent day. 
Again the flowie! s on earth appear, 
Again our God revives the year; 
The vine anew expands her bloom, 
The tender grapes yield sweet per^'ume ; 
Blooms the broad w orld, and joy walks forth 
On the great circle of the earth. 
Methinks each mouatain lifts his voice, 
Each valley bids our hearts rejoice ; 
Hills, valleys, fields, proclain? that God 
Is in his grandeur gone abroad : 
Exulting nature chides our stay ;— 
Arise, my fair one! come away ! 

High on his cloud of saffron hi!&, 
That richly laps him round fi Om vie\v , 
Hark, how the sky lark from his throat 
Sends far his world- awak'ning note, 
Prochiniing the sweet hour of prime, 
From his aeiial tow'r sublime. 
I'he children of the sky awake ; 
And, from green tree and bush apd brake. 
Sing fortli their little souls, and laise 
T;":e loud united liymn of praise. 
I'or p '.st is new the day of rain, 
And spring, from Sheba's land, again 



186 

Hath sent into our native grove 
Her sweetly-moaning turtle-dove. 
Methinks each bird that greets the day, 
Seems to rebuke our slow delay : — 
Arise, my fair one ! come away ! 

'Tis sweet, from slope of hill, to eye 
The day-spring kindling in the sky, 
When Beauty, dancing hand in hand 
With Morn, flings rose on every land, 
And o'er the mountains* haughty heads 
Her wrapping golden mantle spreads t 
But dearer, Sherah, 'tis to me 
The day-spring of thine eye to see, 
And Beauty's every charm and grace 
Summ'd up and shining in thy face. 
'Tis sweet to hear the lark on wing, 
His world-awak'ning anthem sing. 
And all the winged sons of sky 
Hymn to the Lord their harmony j 
More dear, my love, it is to me, 
Reclin'd beneath our citron-tree, 
To hear thy wedded voice and lute 
With joyous song the morn salute. 
Praising the God that paints the day 
With golden colours rich and gay : — 
Arise, my fair one ! come away ! 

In vain for me the turtle-dove 
Proclaims the spring in Dothan's grove ; 



187 

In vain for me the dew-nurs'd mead 
With crocus and with rose is spread j 
In vain for me, on mountain's side, 
The vine puts forth her budding pride : 
No bloom, no joy for me is there, 
If sunder'd far from thee, my fair ! 
Thy presence to my heart is dew ; 
Thy presence gives the rose its hue j 
Thy presence bloom and beauty flings 
On all the glittering face of things. 
Then come, my love, and let us go 
To the fi-esh lawn where vi'lets blow» 
Or to yon sunward grassy steep, 
Where, at the dawn of morn, our sheep 
Rejoice amid the dews to play :~ 
Arise, my fair one ! come away 1 

So sung the Hebrew shepherd-swain 
His harp- assisted tender strain, 
While at her lattice, flow'r-inwove, 
Listen'd the damsel, of his love. 
Nor in her cottage tarried long 
The maiden, backward to the song : 
She came ; and with her shepherd-boy 
Is gone to taste the morning's joy, 
On yon green steep, where lambkins plav, 
Amid the dews at da.wn of day. 



n 



ODE TO PEACE. 



19 



ODE TO PEACE. 



JL/AUGHTER of God ! that sits on high 
Amid the dances of the sky, 
And guldest with thy gentle sway 
The planets on their tuneful way ; 

Sweet Pkack ! shall ne'er again 
The smile of thy most holy face, 
From thine ethereal dwelling-place, 
Rejoice the wretched weary race 

Of discord-breathing men ? 
Too long, O gladness-giving Queen ! 
Thy tarrying in heaven has been ; 
Too long o'er this fair blooming worM 
The flag of blond has been unfurled, 

Polluting God's pure day ; 
Whilst, as each maddening people reels, 
War onward drives his sithed wheels. 
And at his horses' bloody heels 

Shriek Murder and Dismay. 

Oft have I wept to hear the cry 
Of widow wailing biiterly ; 



192 

to see the parent's silent tear 

For children fallen beneath the spear 

And I have felt so sore 
The sense of human guilt and wo, 
That I, in Virtue's passioned glow, 
Have cursed (my soul was wounded so) 

The shape of man I bore ! 
Then come from thy serene abode. 
Thou gladness-giving Child of God ! 
And cease the world's eusanguin'd strife, 
And reconcile my soul to life j 

For much I long to see, 
Ere to the grave I down descend, 
Thy hand tier blessed branch extend, 
And to the world's remotest end 

Yi ave Love and Harmony ! 



THS END. 



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